5.20.2012

Linda's Guide to Suburban Cycling

So, a few years back, I started riding my bike again.  Mostly it was the move to NC that did it--we lived close to campus, and if I biked I didn't have to buy a parking permit.  While it kinda sucked as a primary transport, I have found it's a fun way to get some exercise, and it's also fun to bike to places, provided you don't have to do it.  Since we've gotten back home and gotten a house, I've taken up biking a bit more, and I've learned something very important.  The driving laws regarding bicyclists?  Those are for ideal conditions. 

The suburbs are not ideal conditions. 

I mean, sure, if you're just riding around your neighborhood, it's fine.  Or if you're riding in an urban area with bike lanes.  But, let's face it, there are some situations where if you take your right to the road, you are going to die, or at least wind up a quadriplegic using the single finger you can still move to tap out your life story in Morse code. 

And so I have taken it upon myself to put together a handy guide with some tips to help keep the novice bike rider a little safer.  Learn from my mistakes, that way you don't have to change your underwear every time you go for a ride.

However, don't think it's all for the cyclists.  I'd actually like to start off with an agreement that I think everyone who intends to use the road should make.  Half is for drivers, half is for cyclists.

The Driver's Agreement:
I agree to share the road with cyclists.
I agree to not run over cyclists, or pass them so closely that they fall over.
I agree not to passively aggressively follow a cyclist very slowly, then gun it when I pass them to show them they were in my way.
I agree to safely pass cyclists by not driving into oncoming traffic.
I agree to not honk at cyclists unless they are behaving in a manner that might cause an accident.
 
The Cyclist's Agreement:
 I agree to share the road with cars.  This means keeping to the right and not blocking traffic. 
I agree to pull over and let faster traffic by, if cars are backing up behind me.
I agree to obey traffic signals.
I agree to make sure my bicycle has reflectors on it, and whatever other lights are necessary for visibility at night.
I agree to avoid cycling on dangerous, high speed roads.

Long story short, everyone has a right to the road.  Drivers tend to hate cyclists for being slow (I know I do), and cyclists tend to hate drivers for trying to run them down (I hate that, too).  Some cyclists get pretty militant and almost try to provoke drivers.  This is just as inappropriate as trying to run a cyclist down with your car.

That said, let's get started, shall we?

I think it goes without saying that the suburban cyclist should take whatever safety precautions are necessary.  There's no law saying you should wear a helmet (at least not where I live), but it's never a bad idea.  I've personally never had a bike accident where it would have saved me, but I also have a friend who would have had a tree branch in his brain if not for his helmet.  Your choice.  Also, make sure your bike is in good condition--brakes are really important, and you want to make sure it's mechanically sound.  Having sufficient air in your tires will also make a world of difference.  If you don't have a compressor at home, you will probably pass a gas station on your trip at some point.  I've found that if I fill it up to the max pressure marked on the tires, I have a much smoother ride.  Also, pack a cell phone for emergencies.  You can totally listen to music if you want, but keep the volume low.  You need to be able to hear what's going on around you.  The most important thing you can do for your personal safety is to pay attention to your surroundings!

So, you have your bike and you're ready to go.  You have a variety of options for the path to your destination, and it's important to pick the safest one.  For our example, let's go to the park. This is actually the route I take to a large park about 4.5 miles from my house.  That's right, I rode 9 miles to take these pictures for you, so look close!

Keep in mind, this is a casual guide, more for folks looking to get off their sofa than for serious cyclists.  Our goal here is to keep you safe, so you can do it again. 

Neighborhood streets are pretty easy, so we'll skip those--keep to the right and you're fine.  Next up is the best thing a cyclist can find: a bike path.

Ah, the bike path.  No cars, few pedestrians, and no low hanging branches to smack you in the face.

If there is a bike path heading even vaguely in the direction that you are going, take it.  It might be further as the crow flies, but it will probably be more level (the one in our illustration sure is) and it's about as safe as you can get (except after dark, when it's the rape path).  In our case, this actually is the best route, so let's move on.

The best roads will have an actual bike lane for you to ride in.  I include a picture of one for those of you who will never see one.

Okay, you caught me.  This one I took on the way home.

A good shoulder is also an excellent option for staying away from the cars.

The rumble strips usually stop the cars before they hit you.

 However, I do want to give you a word of warning.  A lot of debris gets thrown to the shoulder or bike lane.  This can make for a hazardous and bumpy ride.  Watch out for gravel, rocks, glass, and dead things.  All of these have the potential of knocking you off balance, and could even puncture a tire.  And if you're questioning the presence of dead things on this list, I'd just like to point out that I passed one dead opossum, four dead birds, and one dead snake, on this ride alone.  I would've taken pictures, but most of them were decaying, and that's just gross.

Unfortunately, not all roads will be so kind to you. Our next is a fairly unforgiving road, even for motorists.--four lanes of traffic, no bike lane, no shoulder, and a speed limit of 45.  I have seen cyclists riding along this road in the right lane.  While there is nothing legally wrong with that, it is, if you will forgive my language, fucking stupid.

Sorry I couldn't get you rush hour pics.  It's much scarier then.

On a road like this, ride on the sidewalk.  Yeah, you're not supposed to do that, but as long as you yield to pedestrians, there's not a cop in the country who would ticket you for it.  Unless you can do 45 on your bike, don't even try the driving lane.  Most of these cars will be doing a good 50 mph, at least.  At best you'll hold up traffic for miles (because there's no room to pass you), at worst people will clip your handlebars until you go down.  Generally speaking, unless you can maintain a speed of over 35 mph on your bike, don't ride on streets with a posted limit over 35, at least if there's no bike lane or shoulder (or sidewalk).  Some roads just aren't safe for cyclists.  On these roads, use the sidewalk.  If there's not a sidewalk, use an alternate route.  Actually, for our destination, there is another road we could be using, but it's 55mph, with no shoulder, bike lane, or sidewalk, and the grass alternates between a steep hill and a ditch.  So, if you're biking in the burbs, the sidewalk is an option.  You should still stick to the road when possible, but don't be a hero.

Of course, even when there is a bike lane or shoulder to ride on, things can still get tricky.  Intersections are particularly dangerous, because you usually have several different lanes, all going in different directions.

I want to go left, but the bike lane is three lanes away!

This is an issue that you're going to have to deal with on a case by case basis.  If you're riding on the sidewalk, follow pedestrian rules.  Cross one direction, then the other.  If you're on the street, well, according to law, you should use hand signals and I guess change lanes to the turn lane.  Honestly, the guide's kinda fuzzy on the multiple lanes/have to turn issue.  Personally, I fall over if I try to use hand signals, and I'm pretty sure almost nobody under the age of 30 knows what they are, anyway.  I usually wait until it's clear, then get into the lane I need--keeping to the right of the lane in question.  If need be, stop by the curb and wait for a hole.  Or go on up to the intersection and use the crosswalk.  The key thing here is to be careful and watch for cars.  They aren't psychic, they don't know what they're going to do (you could signal, but I'll be honest, every cyclist I've ever seen signal did it in the middle of a turn, and it's kinda too late then).  Also make sure to watch for cars even when you're going straight.  Some will turn right across the bike lane, or even veer into it as you cross the intersection.  Again, be aware of your surroundings!


We're facing a right turn lane that crosses the shoulder (the safest place to ride on this particular street).  I have almost been hit several times here, and even had one guy honk at me. There's no stop or yield sign for the turn lane, so both cyclists going straight and cars turning right technically have the right of way.  What's our solution here?  Legally speaking, cyclists have right of way over vehicles (because they break more easily), but let's face it, if you're driving along at 60 mph, you're not going to want to slow up.  This is when you play it safe and watch for cars.  If nothing's coming, go ahead.  If someone wants to turn, see if they slow up to let you cross.  If not, let them go.  It's not worth your life to make a point.

So, just to recap, safety is key when cycling around cars.  Whenever possible, take neighborhood streets or a bike path.  If you can't do one of those, try to use a road with a bike path or shoulder.   When all else fails, ride on the sidewalk.  If the speed limit is over 35 and you don't have any of these options available, find an alternate route.  However, the best thing you can do for your safety is to be aware of what's going on around you.  If you see or hear the car coming up behind you, you've got a much better chance of dodging it if it's a sorority girl on a cell phone.

Hopefully this'll give you a good start safely riding your bike in areas that aren't as cyclist friendly.  By paying attention to drivers who aren't paying attention to you, you can minimize your risks and still have a good time. 


5.14.2012

The Terror of the Woman's Handbag

As some of you may have noticed, I'm a girl.  Among other things, this means that I own and even occasionally carry a purse.  Now, I have some shoulder issues, so my purse is relatively small, and always has been.  I also try to not to pack too much in it for the same reason.  But no matter how little is in it, and no matter how small it is, it apparently still contains a small black hole like every other handbag.

It's amazing what you can fit in one of those things.

Now, I know some of my readers are men, so allow me to elaborate.  Some of you may have delved into a woman's purse before, and will be familiar with this.  Others (like my husband) may view the purse as sacred female territory that should never be entered by a male.  For those who aren't, there is apparently some sort of law that states whatever you're looking for must be at the very bottom of the bag (unless you look there first).  This is true, regardless of how many pockets a purse has.  You could literally have a specially shaped pocket for each item in your purse, and your keys would still be underneath everything and hidden around three corners.  Your purse could be the size of your keys, and you would still be unable to find them in it. 

Or the size of about four Pinkie Pies, like mine.
 

Because of this annoying but inevitable fact, I usually wear pants and put the important stuff in my pockets.  However, I occasionally wear a skirt or dress--these are clothing articles that rarely contain pockets, and are invariably hideous when they do.  On these occasions, I have no choice but to put everything I usually put in my pockets in my purse.  These items include: keys, wallet, phone, pocket knife, and chapstick.  Now, the purse rarely has room for this and it's normal contents, so I have to remove some of the less essential items from it in order to make room.

Here we come to today's story.  I had just such an occasion this weekend.  I pulled out a small notebook, kleenex, lotion, and an empty bottle of painkillers and stuffed in my wallet, keys, and pocket knife.  I went about my business for the day, and when I returned home, fished the stuff that normally went in my pockets out of my purse.

Or at least I tried to.  My keys never actually went in my purse (I clipped them to the strap), and my wallet's kind of hard to lose.  My little tiny pocket knife, on the other hand, had completely vanished.  I could have sworn I tucked it in the secret zippered pouch inside my purse (every decent purse has one of these), but I couldn't find it.  I dumped half the contents of the darn thing out, and still couldn't find it.  I decided maybe I hadn't put it in my purse and it had slipped out of my pocket and fallen between the couch cushions.  It's happened before.  I once lost that thing in our recliner for months.  Unfortunately, only crumbs lay between the cushions.  So, I sadly shrugged and concluded that I had lost it.

That was Saturday.

Today I decided to give it another go, and fully emptied my purse.  It contained:

  • four pens (three of which had a Hello Kitty character on them)
  • one Sharpie
  • a measuring tape
  • my favorite lipstick
  • a pack of gum
  • fugu mints
  • blueberry flavored lip balm in an owl shaped container
  • a comb
  • a Chococat shaped mirror compact
  • a pony tail holder
  • change
  • a receipt for my last visit to the dentist
I was baffled.  Where had my knife gone?  And so I delved further, into the secret pocket.  Keep in mind, I had thoroughly rummaged through here before with no success.  It contained:
  • two maxi pads (that's what the secret pocket is for)
  • two mysterious stickers with a bar code, number, and the word password printed on them
  • a receipt for a pair of earrings I bought off an artist friend
  • three seashells
Here I just want to pause and say, seashells.  Now that I recall, a friend brought them back from a beach trip for me some time ago. 

"He doesn't know how to use the three seashells!"




And then I found my pocket knife.  It was in there the whole time.






















Goodnight, kids!






5.05.2012

Studio Safety and Why You Should Buy Stock In Crock Pot

This week's episode is brought to you by the "What's That Smell?" game.

No, seriously.  I went out into the garage today to put up a couple of things, and there was this bizarre odor.  Well, bizarre for my garage.  Normally it smells like paint, but today it just smelled weird.  I couldn't figure it out.  I would've called in the hubby to consult, but he has virtually no sense of smell.  So I start wandering around the studio, trying to figure out what it is, when I notice something very alarming. 

Yes, the alarming thing  was the source of the odd and fairly noxious odor.

My pickle pot was not only still plugged in, but still on.  Now, for those of you who are envisioning a pot of pickles, and wondering why I would feel the need to electrocute them, let me explain.  Pickle is an acid used in jewelry making to clean oxidation off of non ferrous metals.  Generally speaking it works better hot, so most jewelry studios contain a crock pot (or fancy schamnchy pickle pot).  Any of you who have taken jewelry classes will immediately understand my horror when I realized it had been on since Wednesday.

See, it might be acid, but it's still liquid, which means it will boil away.  Add to that the fact that I had my small parts dipper in there (a film canister on a wire with some holes drilled it in, so I didn't have to dig for itty bitty parts), and it was no wonder my garage smelled.

Behold!  It looks like it's bubbling, but it's solid as a rock.

Not only had all the pickle boiled off, but my small parts dipper had melted.  Those wires, connected to that little piece of plastic?  Yeah, that's what was left.  It's a bloody miracle my house didn't burn down.  This brings us to the second subject for today:  The awesomeness of crock pots.

The actual heating part of it took little to no damage.  There's a little bit eaten away around the rim, and some drips down the side, but that's honestly from regular use (and poor cleaning habits).



Virtually unharmed.

The crock, on the other hand, well, I got most of it out.
 

This is after liberally hosing it down, scrubbing with bar keeper's friend, and using a Mr. Clean bathroom scrubber on it.

I don't think the crock will ever be safe to use again, mostly because of the crispy bits of plastic that appear to have melted into it.  I might find a use for the heating part of it, though (I'm thinking melting wax for candle making).  Still, it will totally hold water, with no apparent cracks.  I think it's also worth sharing the chunks of plastic the hose loosened up.


The lid was murky, but usable.  At the top it looks like my small container got cut off in the photo.  Not really.

I think this is really a testament to the safety of a slow cooker.  I was always a bit nervous about leaving them plugged in and then leaving the house, but this bad boy stayed plugged in for like three days--with melting plastic in it--and nothing happened.  Of course, this is also an object lesson in why you should always unplug your pickle pot when you finish for the day.

The really terrifying thing, though, was that there was a pair of earrings in it when this happened (they were in the small parts thinggy).  They're in that last picture.  Guess which blob they are?

It was this one.

Definitely not what I'd planned on when I put them in there.  I was hoping for shiny and white, not covered in brown sticky goo.  Fortunately, a little bot of work and a new pair of hooks put them better than before.

I cannot do their shininess justice.  But you could go blind.

My current plan is to sell them at the Spring Carnival at my husband's shop, but if no one buys them I may keep them for me.

So to recap:  Avoid leaving your pickle pot on for extended periods of time.  Don't leave plastic in it if you do.  This ended well for me, but I could have blackened scorch marks on my garage wall right now (or worse) if it hadn't.  Be safe, not stupid.

Also, crock pot makes astoundingly safe and sturdy products.  If I had the patience and the scrubby pads, I bet I could get that thing usable for pickle again.  They have my endorsement.  (Not that I am encouraging you to use crock pots for purposes other than which they are designed.  I would never take on the liability for that.)

Be safe, kids!


Next time:  Linda's Suburban Guide To Cycling or Boobs!  It depends on whether or not I can get pictures taken for my cycling guide.