Doughnuts Are Not the Solution

Growing up, I had never really thought of Kentucky as being in the Bible Belt, even though I know it technically is.  I mean, there are churches pretty much everywhere, but when you grow up with that, you think it's normal--plus it's waaaay worse further south.
But since we moved into our house a few years back, it's been a lot more obvious.  There's been a steady stream of door to door evangelizers, although we haven't had any at all this year--perhaps my no soliciting sign accompanied by me saying, "You're selling Jesus.  That counts," did the trick there.  We also routinely get mailers from area churches and flyers left on our door.

Now, typically the flyers are either friendly and welcoming, or tracts demonizing Catholic.  There was also that one time we were greeted by a choose your own adventure style copy of the Gospel of John (Read verses 32-34, then turn to verses 2-6, etc).  That was amusing.  Also, if the author didn't leave directions, you should probably assume that the book was meant to be read in the order it was written.  Just saying. 

The mailers, on the other hand, are pretty much always invitations to come to services.  I have no problem with this approach--it's less invasive than coming to my door, and it's super easy to just toss them in the recycling bin.  But every once in a while, one comes in that is just so misguided and insulting that I kind of want to scream.

Like this one:

 

Because nothing brings people to Jesus like coffee and donuts.

On one hand, I can kind of see the logic.  Everyone likes coffee and donuts.  Services are usually in the morning, so it makes it easier to get up if you can get breakfast while you're at church.

On the other hand...this is your big draw?  I should come to your church for donuts and a Starbucks card?  I'm not sure whether to be insulted that you think I'm that stupid, or sad that you're that out of touch.  It's a church for crying out loud.  People should come to it because of the message you're preaching.  Christianity is about faith, not material things.  They should be coming to your church because they believe in your religion, not for fucking doughnuts. 

But hey, people are leaving Christianity in droves.  Maybe this will help get them back?

You have got be fucking kidding me.  If you honestly think that doughnuts and coffee will get people back into the church, I've got a fantastic bridge to sell you.  People are leaving the church because it lacks substance.  They're leaving because they have questions that aren't getting answered.  They're leaving because of inconsistencies between doctrine and scripture.  They're leaving because they're tired of hypocrisy.  They're leaving because what they hear in church is inconsistent with what they know in their hearts.  What's coming from the pulpit doesn't jive what their personal experience of God.  In fact, their personal experience of God is usually written off--scripture is more important.  People are leaving because the most vocal Christians are also the most hateful.  People are leaving because they're tired of serving a church that doesn't serve them back.

Having a flashy band and special effects isn't going to fix any of that.  A pastor with jeans and tattoos isn't going to fix that.  Sending out mailers to let people know that, "Every Sunday is Casual Sunday!" (the last one we got from this church) isn't going to solve the problem.  Bribing people with doughnuts and Starbucks cards sure as shit isn't going to solve the problem.  At best, you'll get people who just show up for that.  Personally, my time is worth more.  Literally.  An hour at work will get me a lot more than a doughnut and $5 at Starbucks.  If churches want to get butts back in the pews, they're going to have to admit to themselves why those butts left in the first place.  And it wasn't because they didn't have doughnuts.

It's also not because we don't know what doughnuts are.

Awkward Work Dreams And Other Stories

So, let's get back to our roots here--I mean, dreams are in the subtitle of this blog, and I have them like every night.  Plus, why waste a good ready made story, especially the one I had last night?

Since I started my current job, I've had a lot of work dreams about it.  Like an unusual number, for me at any rate--generally my dreams have been more adventure oriented.  I blame the excessive input of science fiction, fantasy, and superhero books, TV, and comics.  Most nights I'm saving the world from the whatever, or being chased by the whoever.  But lately, there've been a lot of work dreams.  Current job work dreams (as opposed to OMG WHY AM I BACK AT FAZOLI'S??!!).  These range from pleasantly bizarre (the one where half of the machine shop was a Chinese restaurant), to annoyingly ordinary (I feel like I should get paid for putting in a shift in my sleep), to well, last night.

Last night involved dinosaurs.  At work.

Have I mentioned that I work as a CNC machinist, not a paleontologist?  And yet, somehow, last night they were excavating three baby t-rexes near the store room. 

Three live baby t-rexes.

 Baby T-Rexes.  The fact that this is a picture of velociraptors is not lost on me.

One of them was going to be donated to a museum or a zoo or something for the science, and we were going to keep the other two for...something....  I don't know what.  In real life we make pneumatic cylinders.  I have no idea what possible application dinosaurs could have to that.  Anywho, the first one sort of starts running around, and I'm like, wow, this cannot end well, I'm getting the fuck out of here.  So, I run through the stock room, and I realize, I'm not making it out of here before those things get to me.  I looked around at my options, and immediately decide that the shelves are my best bet.  Sure, they might be able to climb up the chain link fence (even in the dream I wondered why the store room shelves suddenly had fencing in front of them all the way up--I guess Dreamlands work had been having shrinkage issues or something), but they would go after the easy prey on the ground first.  So I climb the fence.  Partway up, this black guy from the office sees me, and thinks I have the right idea, and he starts climbing, too.  We make it to the top and start clambering around on boxes.  He just sort of collapses on a couple, and then falls.  (We're talking about like 20-30 ft racks.  He did not survive.)  I'm like, damn, and I settle in behind some boxes and lean back to get comfy, at which point I discover that the boxes behind me are much, much lighter than I thought and I go down, too.  At some point in all this, the thought crosses my mind, "Well, I suppose it's better than getting eaten by dinosaurs, right?" 

Then boom, I hit the ground with a resounding thud, breaking every bone in my body and, well, I died.

And then  everything went white and the credits started rolling.

And then I woke up.

On a side note, I think the credits may have been in Japanese and may have included God and at least one of the archangels (St. Michael, specifically).  Also worth noting is that this somehow did not have the proper emotional content to qualify as a nightmare.  It doesn't count as a nightmare unless I wake up crying and/or whimpering.  I actually wouldn't even consider this a bad dream.  But the one the other night where I was being given free kittens and then this giant bug (imagine something somewhere between a shrimp, a chest burster, and a really big, brown silverfish and you've got the idea) ran across the floor and then it was on my arm and I couldn't get it off, that was a nightmare. 

Giant bug on my arm=whimpering and clutching the husband for emotional support

Actually falling to my death=Tuesday

Sweet dreams, everybody!

Various Updates And A Story About A Camel

Hey kids!
So, it's been forever since I posted anything, and while I generally prefer not to do the whole, OMG, sorry for not posting in forever posts, I feel like it's been long enough to warrant it in this particular case.  So this one may be a little whiny and annoying, for which I sincerely apologize.  Feel free to skip to the bit about the camel.

I've been pretty busy with work (for those who don't know, I started my first "real" full time job around a year and a half ago), and my schedule has been kinda bizarre.  It's been a regular bizarre, at least, unlike retail (where a schedule that involves clopening is a real possibility), and I've had my weekends off, but second shift is a struggle, let me tell you.  I would also like to point out that you can, indeed, get used to anything, to the point where my scheduled work time of 3:18-11:48 seems perfectly normal now (there's a lot of industry in the area, and apparently all the businesses got together to stagger their start times).  Anywho, this leaves me with the awkwardness of either having all my free time before work, which makes it hard to enjoy, having it all after work, when everything is closed, or splitting it up and never being quite right.  I have opted for the latter, mostly because the idea of sleeping until 2pm everyday just seems wrong.  Either way, I haven't had a lot of free time, which means some of my hobbies get neglected more than others.  Couple that with the sheer exhaustion of actually working 40 hours a week, much of which is spent standing on the hardest concrete you've ever seen (no, seriously, the concrete floor where I work is harder than the one where you work.  Pretty sure it has to be to support the weight of all the machinery and forklifts and other crap), and most of the week I'm too tired to do anything.  I now have a better understanding of the phrase "working for the weekend" than I ever wanted.
In addition to the time issues, I also have additional social awkwardness in that, while all of my coworkers are wonderful people and very much like family, they're also all from a very different background, so there's not a lot of common ground.  It's a little isolating.  Couple that with the actual, physical isolation of the work itself (back in the machine shop area we're all pretty much in our respective corners running our machines), and my social skills--and verbal acuity--have taken a bit of hit.  When you're not using words all the time, it can get hard to string together a cohesive sentence.

The other reason is actually fairly ironic.  I've noticed an increasing toxicity on the internet, and it's really not something I want to contribute.  I'm saying things have to be rainbows and butterflies all the time, but there is a crap ton of negativity, and I kind of noticed a lot of my posts kinda heading in that direction.  While I like to think I'm vaguely entertaining in my snark, I'd like to have a more positive focus (or at least a more thought provoking one) and well, most of my stories lately are either really boring or kinda bitchy.
I do have a number of topics I'd really like to cover that I can do so in a manner consistent with the direction I want to go, but they're pretty massive subjects, and getting started and keeping them somewhat concise has been a little tricky--if you're curious about some of the somedays, they include but are not limited to: sexism (what it is and is not), women in STEM (this is actually kind of personal, as machining kinda falls under that umbrella and there are very few women in the field), Christian fundamentalism and witchcraft (It's only been fairly recently that I've been exposed to fundamentalism and it is bizarre and baffling.  Of particular note is how disturbingly misinformed this group seems to be about what witchcraft actually consists of), and the value problem in the arts (we love nice art, and music, and TV, but we don't want to pay for it and thus allow artists to afford to continue making it).

That said, I appreciate your patience with me, as always, and hope you'll continue checking back from time to time.

THE BIT ABOUT THE CAMEL

I promised you a camel, and gosh darn it, you're going to get one.

The other night I had this dream. (You should have expected it to start this way--how else am I going to have an entertaining story about a camel?)  And in this dream I was running through this palatial maze-like house (a common theme, actually), and I was trying to find my way out.  The owner was going to do something bad to me, like evil science experiments or something.  Anyway, I find this door and I go through it, and find myself in this petting zoo.  Well, it's still on the estate, so I go running through it, trying to find my way out, and there's like sheep and stuff all in these pens, when suddenly, I feel this tug.

A camel is eating my panties.

While I'm wearing them.

And not in the sexy way (which would just be weird and definitely verging into nightmare territory), but in an I'm a fucking camel and I'm going to give you the worst fucking wedgie of your life because I'm an asshole kind of way.  Seriously, I was still wearing pants.  Asshole camel.

"You ate her panties?  Dude, that's hilarious!  Wish I'd thought of that!"

Endometriosis Awareness Month

So, normally, I really hate awareness campaigns.  I mean, let's be honest, most of them are for things that everyone is already aware of (like breast cancer) and, generally speaking, our time and money would be better spent looking for solutions to the various problems we're supposed to be aware of.  Seriously, buying something pink for breast cancer awareness is kind of stupid when you could just donate that money to an actual cancer research fund (I have a friend who recently kicked some breast cancer ass who agrees with me on this).

But, every now and again, you do get something that the majority of people don't know about, and in those cases an awareness campaign can be helpful.  After all, you can't fix a problem if people don't know it exists.  And this month's awareness topic is one that I'm more familiar with than I'd like to be--Endometriosis.

Endometriosis is one of those problems that's not widely known.  I mean, it should be--since I was diagnosed with it, it seems like everyone I know knows another woman who has it.  But there's no cure, they don't know what causes it, and, frankly, the available treatment options suck balls.  We're not even sure exactly how many women suffer from it because the only way it can be definitively be diagnosed is surgically.

Here are some of the few things we do know about endo:

• Endometriosis is when, for whatever reason, the tissue that normally grows inside the uterus and sheds every month grows outside of the uterus instead. 
• The most common symptom of endo is pain, typically in the pelvic region.  The amount of pain appears to be unrelated to the severity of the disease.  This pain occurs mostly frequently during a woman's menses, but can happen at any time of the month.  It can even be constant instead of only being for a few days at a time.
• There is no cure.  Many endometriosis cases end in a hysterectomy, but it is possible for it to recur if all of the endometrial growths are not removed.
• The "gold standard" for treatment is laparoscopic surgery. This is often follow by hormonal treatments (i.e. birth control or other medications) to prevent it from coming back.
• Endometriosis can cause infertility--in the same vein, many women who suffer from it can still have children with few or no complications.

Like many "invisible" diseases endometriosis causes a host of other problems for those who suffer from it.  There are the typical emotional struggles anyone who suffers from chronic pain experiences--depression, despair, and hopelessness--as well as increased absences from work or school.  Worst of all is probably the way in which endometriosis symptoms tend to be trivialized as "girl problems."  Indeed, there is nothing quite as awful as being in excruciating pain and having it brushed off as PMS.  Personally, I've been fairly lucky--at the same time, I have a very limited number of personal days--for more than that, I have to have a doctor's note.  For endometriosis related issues, this is, frankly, ridiculous.  There's not really anything a doctor can do about it other than give me pain killers (which will either render me insensible or not touch the pain) and look at me like I'm crazy for wanting a doctor's note for menstrual cramps.  Once I've been there a year, I'll be eligible for additional days off through FMLA, but, in the meantime, I just have to hope that my monthlies stay bearable.  And I'm lucky.  There are women out there who can't work at all due to the pain.

Endometriosis is a very serious, and very real problem that most people don't even know about.  By increasing awareness about it, we can make life easier for those who suffer from it and hopefully increase funding to research so we can find a cure for it.  This is not something anyone should have to deal with, and if we can prevent future generations from suffering like this, then maybe our pain won't be for nothing.

Linkfest for more information:

Mayo Clinic fact sheet on Endometriosis
Endometriosis.org
Endometriosis Foundation of America
Endometriosis Research Center

 

Getting To Know You....

So, a buddy of mine recently nominated me for a Leibster award. Long story short, it seems to be a sort of pass it along, let's increase your traffic sort of thing.  Which is kinda cool (Thanks, Debi!).  Of course there are rules for accepting your award but I'm lazy and withdrawn so I'm not really up to following them.  However, among these rules was answering a series of questions posed by your nominator.  Well, my nominator came up with some pretty darn good questions and I thought it might make for a nice little random facts about me post.  So here goes!

1. If you could vacation anywhere in the world, and money was not an issue, where would you go and why?

 I would go to Europe.  Firstly for the obvious reasons--the art, the architecture, the history, and the castles.  High points would include Pompeii, the Vatican, and of course the Louvre (I'd buy my way to the front of the line).  I would also try to get in as many concerts as I could--many of my favorite bands are from Germany, Finland, Norway, Spain and the like, and they don't often make it to the states.  I'd also like to visit Nitra, Slovakia--my great great grandmother (maybe three greats) was from there and it would be neat to see where my ancestors were from.

2. If you had a time machine, and could go to any time, past, present, or future, when would you go and why?

I have to pick one time?  Just one?  I don't know if I could do that.  I mean, I'd love to visit ancient Greece, or even Rome to see all  of the cool ruins while they were being used.  It'd also be really interesting to see how similar/different the people were. I'd also like to visit the 1930's-1940's for the fashion.  And, on a lark, I'd like to go really far into the future, maybe like a million years, just to see what's there.  Will we have destroyed the planet?  Will humans still exist?  What will the dominant life form be if we don't?

3. Do you have any phobias?

I'm pretty severely claustrophobic.  Like, not just small spaces phobic, but being trapped phobic.  It's why I don't do well in large crowds and why I usually try to sit on the end of the row at the movies.  Even though I know I won't need to escape, knowing that I can makes a world of difference.

I'm also not real great around bugs, although I've gotten much better about spiders since they infested my bushes this summer and started stalking me.  (It was a living in terror or learn to  love them sort of thing.)  Oogie Boogie from Nightmare Before Christmas is and always will be one of the most terrifying things EVER.

4. Who is your favorite author?

Again, just one?  So hard.  I have a lot of favorites, but if I could only read books by one author, I'd probably go with Andre Norton.  She wrote hundred of books in multiple genres, mostly scifi and fantasy, but she also wrote for younger readers and did some gothicky type stuff, too.  A legend in the field and one of the first women to write science fiction, she knew how to write a good yarn.  Many of her books have a central character who doesn't really fit in, which is definitely something I can relate to.  If I had a bucket list, one of the things on it would be to acquire all of her books.  If I count my mom's books (which will one day be mine), I'm less than 20 titles away.

 5. Who is your favorite artist?

I know it's kind of sophomoric and common, but I love Vincent Van Gogh.  I like a painting you can feel.  And because I have no respect for numbers, I also have a great fondness for Alexander Calder, who not only made some of the most amazing mobiles, but who also did some very nice jewelry work.

6. Where is your favorite place to spend time with friends?

Based on where I currently spend time with my friends, it would seem to be restaurants or my house.  I like hanging out over a meal because you have something to fill in the awkward spaces and if you get tired you have a good excuse to leave.  

7. What makes you weep with laughter?

 I'm not really sure.  Usually I weep out of despair, not laughter.  It does happen, but the source is fairly random.  Usually the stuff I get the biggest laugh out of is witty, smart, and kind of absurd and over the top.  The type of humor in shows like Better Off Ted is the closest thing I can think of, as well as situational humor where it's only funny if you were there.

8. What is the first thing that you notice about someone that makes you want to know them better?

I don't notice what I notice.  I tend to function pretty intuitively, so it varies wildly.  Sometimes someone will look really friendly, or it'll be something they said, and sometimes they just feel like they might be a kindred spirit.  I think it really depends on the person.

9. What skill that you lack, do you most wish you had?

 This is a hard one.  I have a lot of skills and an alarming knack for picking up new ones--if I want to do something, I just learn how.  I have noticed that physical skills, like dancing, are a lot harder for me to pick up, but I'm not sure if that's a most desired skill for me.  Maybe something more practical, like time management?  Or maybe something that better compliments my other skills, like woodworking (as many media as I work in, wood is my kryptonite--it just doesn't work right for me).  Or maybe a more intrinsic skill like not being so damn anxious all the time.

10. Do you like to cook, and is there a favorite dish you like to make?

Not really.  I like the idea of cooking, and I enjoy making things, but somehow, when I have to make it to eat it turns into work.  However, I will occasionally go to the effort of making potatoes au gratin with ham, which is my favorite food.  And I'm not talking about the crappy kind in a box, either.  I'm talking, peel the potatoes, make the sauce from scratch potatoes au gratin.

What Do You Do?

So, the other day I had a conversation with one of my coworkers that resulted in mutual pity for completely different reasons.  I usually try to avoid conversations with this particular lady because it rarely ends well, but there's only one vending machine with Dr. Pepper in it, so sometimes it's unavoidable.  Anyway, her end of the conversation ended with pity for me because I have no maternal instinct and can't see the joy in having children.  I ended up pitying her because she cannot believe that a woman can have a fulfilling life without having children and that she apparently has no curiosity about the world at all.  In my defense, I pointed out that there is a whole world out there to explore--I was rebuffed with, "You're working here."

"I'm only here 40 hours a week," was my response. 

And that's the thing--a lot of my coworkers (not just this one) love to take advantage of overtime because, "What else am I going to do?"

What else aren't you going to do?  We have such a wealth of culture and history.  We have thousands and thousands of years to look back on and explore.  Don't like history?  That's okay.  We have a vast natural world that you can explore with billions of plants and animals.  Think nature's messy?  Explore the city.  Mankind has built so many amazing playgrounds (I use that term very loosely) with massive buildings, roads, and other oddities.  Want to escape from reality?  We have thousands of years worth of stories that we've been telling ourselves.  You could spend a lifetime hearing, reading, and watching them.  More interested in other people?  You could spend another lifetime watching them and trying to figure out what makes them tick.  Want a more active role?  We've developed a gajillion different sports that you can play with others or by yourself--you could spend your time finding the limits of the human body.  Are you a doer but not into sports?  As a species we've figured out how to use a wide variety of tools.  Why not pick up a new skill?  You can go for something practical, like cooking, knitting, or woodworking, or you can go for something more expressive with the arts.  Add some beauty to the universe by learning to play an instrument or learning how to paint.  Does life somehow seem like it's not enough?  We have untold religions and spiritual viewpoints that you could explore.  Find out what life's really all about--are there really astral planes to explore, or are they all in your head?  And how does your head have that much room in it, anyway?

The point is, I have always been an extremely curious person.  I want to know everything  (even though I know there are some things I'm better off not knowing).  And I realize that's a little out there.  But how can people not want to know anything?  Even if it's just learning new recipes and reading harlequin romance novels, how can a person not want to know more about something?  This is the 21st century.  We've got most the basics covered--you no longer have to spend all day hunting for food and finding shelter.  How can you confine yourself to the basics of work and sleep?  And I get that taking care of your family is hard work, too--but why not bring them along for the ride?  I'm not saying you have to have wacky adventures every day, but maybe, every once in a while, instead of staying in with the kids and inactively watching TV (because you can actively watch, and you can just veg out) you could take a day trip somewhere--hiking, a boring historical site, even just out miniature golfing.  Even if you're not up to going out after a long day's work, read a book, or do something quiet.  Do something more than just exist.  Even a movie as dysfunctional as Fight Club gets it--"You are not your job."

I was reading The Black Iron Prison the other day, and there was a comic in it that touched on this subject perfectly:

So, this year do yourself a favor and think on it.  What do you do?

Depressed? Here's Some Stuff To Cheer You Up.

So, life can be a lot of work, with jobs, and school, and families, and all of the other people and things we occupy our time with.  Some of us can juggle all of it better than others--some of us can't juggle it at all.  And the rest of us, well, we do what we can and get bogged down from time to time.  We all have different ways of coping--one of mine is to keep a folder of web pages, images, and other bookmarks of things that make me smile or bring me comfort no matter what.  In an effort to help out other folks who might be feeling down, I thought I might share that list, along with some honorable mentions.  Please note that these are in no particular order.  So, without further ado....

Miss Linda's Happy Stuff Linkfest!

 Yes, Buzzfeed has gotten really annoying of late.  But their image lists used to be quite good.  This one is among my favorites--no sponsor, and the pictures of Kim Kardashian crying are far more effective than they have any right to be. 

 Cornify is a fun and bizarre site that lets you add rainbows and unicorns to all your photos.  Who doesn't need more rainbows and unicorns?


So, there's this letter on the internet that's been attributed to Stephen Fry.  Not sure if he actually wrote it, but it is one of the most wonderful responses to depression I have ever seen.  Whenever I'm down, this never fails to put things back into perspective.  I might still be down, but, well, it will be sunny one day.

 

Sorry, another Buzzfeed list.  But don't we all need something to restore our faith in humanity?

 Animals sleeping with stuffed versions of themselves. 'Nuff said.

 Calming manatee randomly generates an image of a manatee with a friendly caption.


There are no words to describe the joy that is Cat Bounce!  No, really.  And don't worry, no cats are harmed.  They actually seem to enjoy it.


Here is a random tumblr post reminding you that being depressed is really hard.  You should stop being so down on yourself for not being superhuman.


Another random blog post I happened upon.  A good read if you're on the bathroom floor with a kitchen knife--more people care about you than you think.

 Bunny Island.  The best collection of Bunny Island pictures I've ever seen.  I want to go to Bunny Island soooooooo much.


All right, I saved my current favorite for last.  Seriously, I cannot sit through this video without smiling.  You probably can't either.  While theoretically safe for work, you probably don't want to explain this to your boss.

Thank you, Japan, for all of the bizarre things you give the world.

Honorable mentions:

The Blogess is an amazing woman.  She treads a fine line between funny and serious, and often has resources for those who battle depression and anxiety.  Her obsession with taxidermy is both funny and creepy, and she has one of the most useful phrases for dealing with depression, "Depression Lies."  The only reason she's in this section is because she's also a big Amanda Palmer fan.  While I won't deny that Palmer is talented, her music brings me down.  Admittedly, I find techno and metal calming, so that might just be me. 

 Hyperbole and a Half is hilarious. It would be in the list if it were updated more often (the writer is working on her book and has had some personal trouble, so we'll let it slide).  It's just in a different bookmarks folder.  It's hard to pick a favorite post, so you should read them all.  I keep meaning to print out a copy of the better pain scale for the next time I have to rate my pain for the doctor.

I Can Has Cheezburger? is one of the oldest places to get your lolcat fix.  Originally, they were just cats, but they have a massive network of meme related sites, some of which are healthier than others.

So, there we are.  I'm sure I missed a few.  What are your favorite corners of the internet to cheer yourself up at?  Share in the comments!