The Monster In the Shower

Okay, so when I was a kid, I was terrified of the monster in the closet.  It was to the point where the closet door absolutely had to be completely shut before I could sleep.  If it was open just a teensy crack, the monster could come out and get me.  And, of course, he had his fiendish accomplice, the monster under the bed, too.  Just a toe out from under the blanket and BAM! He'd get you.  The blankets, of course, were the key shield against the monsters.  As long as you were on top of the bed and under the covers they couldn't get you.  A night light was also an effective defense, but, of course, parents will only let you have that one for so long.  I mostly grew of out it after a while.

Mostly.

Yeah, it's confession time again.  I'm still afraid of the monster in the closet.  This has been a recurring thing.  In our apartment in North Carolina we had this huge closet, and the doors were left open to make room for the laundry hamper and such.  Some nights, it was a closet.  Others, it was a ghastly gateway to the abyss of DOOM!  The closet in our last apartment held some terror, but I honestly tend to forget we lived there at all, so it really wasn't as bad.  Now, of course, we have our amazing house, with a spacious walk in closet and a large master bathroom, right on my side of the bed.  The closet is pretty abyss like, but it's father from the bed.  The bathroom, on the other hand, is just a few feet away from my head.  At night, it is a yawning black maw, with no hint of light.  Anything could be in there.  It could be a portal to another dimension.  Any dimension.  Well, except for Narnia, that's under the stairs.  The bathroom is ten times scarier than the closet, and not just because I'm a lousy housekeeper.

Now might be a good time to point out that I often have to get up in the night to use the bathroom. 

So, being the practical adult that I am, I fixed the problem.  I bought a nightlight.  Plugged it into the outlet in the bathroom, and there's a comforting warm glow to keep the monsters at bay.  It also makes it slightly harder to step on the cat.

Don't let her fool you, she'll trip you in an instant.

But, somehow, I still didn't feel safe.  There was something lurking in the bathroom, just waiting for me to turn my back.  I'd get up, do my business, and then it would lurk behind me while I washed my hands--it had no reflection of course, so I couldn't see it in the mirror.  I'd get thoroughly freaked out, then leap into bed, occasionally messing up the landing and squashing the husband (he's really a good sport).

Now, the husband really enjoys the ghost hunters type stuff, and I've wound up watching the show with him.  Now, they have explained in the show that one thing that often causes people to feel like they're being watched is a high EMF, or electromagnetic field.  This is typically caused by poorly shielded wiring, and even a low reading one can cause someone really sensitive trouble.  At worst, these things can actually make you physically ill.  So, out of curiosity, the hubby breaks out the EMF and we go exploring.  Now, I don't know exactly what the numbers mean on the device, but I do know that higher numbers mean a stronger field.  I don't remember exactly what the danger level is, but if it's above two, you're probably going to notice it.

My alarm clock gave off a reading of around 30.

We also noticed a slight (i.e. like .1, .2) reading around the light switch and outlets in the bathroom.  That's normal--electrical stuff does give off the fields, and that's a comfortably low reading.  Also worth noting was a reading that ran vertically up the center of the mirror to the light.  Let's see, freaked out while washing hands, with head right in front of that field...explains a lot, don't ya think?  Apparently, I'm fairly sensitive to EMFs. 

So, I unplug and put away the alarm clock and switch to the one on my phone.  When I go to the bathroom, I just remember that wiring behind the mirror.  For the most part, it's been much better.

But there's still something behind the shower curtain besides soap scum.  I know it.  I expect it looks rather a lot like this:

Only not nearly as friendly.

In fact, last night, the husband and I were just discussing the monster in the shower.  It ran something along the lines of:

Me: But what about the monster in the shower?

Darling Husband (DH): There's not a monster in the shower.

Me: Yes, there is!

DH: He probably just wants to get clean.

Me: He's not using the shower.

DH: Well, there you go, no monster in the shower.

Me: Is too!  It's really creepy.  It's scarier than the closet monster.

DH: There's not a monster in the shower or in the closet.

Me: The one in the shower is scarier.  The closet monster will just devour you physically.  The shower monster will eat your soul.  It looks kinda like Ryuk [the above creature, a character from Death Note] only not as friendly.

DH: Ryuk wasn't friendly.

Me:  Okay, well, yeah, he enjoyed all the misery the humans were going through, but he wasn't actively causing it.  He was neutral.

DH: He was enjoying it, that makes him not neutral.

Me: Well, fine, but he at least wasn't actively harming humans. [For those of you who aren't familiar with the story, Ryuk is a shinigami, a god of death. His job is to kill humans.]

DH: Woman, go to bed! [okay, well, maybe he didn't say that last night.  But he does say it pretty regularly.]

So, I pulled the blankets up a little tighter and turned a wary eye on the bathroom, just waiting for a terrifying claw to pull back the shower curtain and emerge to devour my psyche.  The night light wouldn't hold this one back for long.  

And then I fell asleep.  

It may not have gotten me last night, but when I disappear for good, you'll know what happened.

Don't let that cheery exterior fool you, behind that curtain lurks certain death!

I know if I pull back the curtain there won't be anything there...but what if there is?