Doughnuts Are Not the Solution

Growing up, I had never really thought of Kentucky as being in the Bible Belt, even though I know it technically is.  I mean, there are churches pretty much everywhere, but when you grow up with that, you think it's normal--plus it's waaaay worse further south.
But since we moved into our house a few years back, it's been a lot more obvious.  There's been a steady stream of door to door evangelizers, although we haven't had any at all this year--perhaps my no soliciting sign accompanied by me saying, "You're selling Jesus.  That counts," did the trick there.  We also routinely get mailers from area churches and flyers left on our door.

Now, typically the flyers are either friendly and welcoming, or tracts demonizing Catholic.  There was also that one time we were greeted by a choose your own adventure style copy of the Gospel of John (Read verses 32-34, then turn to verses 2-6, etc).  That was amusing.  Also, if the author didn't leave directions, you should probably assume that the book was meant to be read in the order it was written.  Just saying. 

The mailers, on the other hand, are pretty much always invitations to come to services.  I have no problem with this approach--it's less invasive than coming to my door, and it's super easy to just toss them in the recycling bin.  But every once in a while, one comes in that is just so misguided and insulting that I kind of want to scream.

Like this one:

 

Because nothing brings people to Jesus like coffee and donuts.

On one hand, I can kind of see the logic.  Everyone likes coffee and donuts.  Services are usually in the morning, so it makes it easier to get up if you can get breakfast while you're at church.

On the other hand...this is your big draw?  I should come to your church for donuts and a Starbucks card?  I'm not sure whether to be insulted that you think I'm that stupid, or sad that you're that out of touch.  It's a church for crying out loud.  People should come to it because of the message you're preaching.  Christianity is about faith, not material things.  They should be coming to your church because they believe in your religion, not for fucking doughnuts. 

But hey, people are leaving Christianity in droves.  Maybe this will help get them back?

You have got be fucking kidding me.  If you honestly think that doughnuts and coffee will get people back into the church, I've got a fantastic bridge to sell you.  People are leaving the church because it lacks substance.  They're leaving because they have questions that aren't getting answered.  They're leaving because of inconsistencies between doctrine and scripture.  They're leaving because they're tired of hypocrisy.  They're leaving because what they hear in church is inconsistent with what they know in their hearts.  What's coming from the pulpit doesn't jive what their personal experience of God.  In fact, their personal experience of God is usually written off--scripture is more important.  People are leaving because the most vocal Christians are also the most hateful.  People are leaving because they're tired of serving a church that doesn't serve them back.

Having a flashy band and special effects isn't going to fix any of that.  A pastor with jeans and tattoos isn't going to fix that.  Sending out mailers to let people know that, "Every Sunday is Casual Sunday!" (the last one we got from this church) isn't going to solve the problem.  Bribing people with doughnuts and Starbucks cards sure as shit isn't going to solve the problem.  At best, you'll get people who just show up for that.  Personally, my time is worth more.  Literally.  An hour at work will get me a lot more than a doughnut and $5 at Starbucks.  If churches want to get butts back in the pews, they're going to have to admit to themselves why those butts left in the first place.  And it wasn't because they didn't have doughnuts.

It's also not because we don't know what doughnuts are.

Awkward Work Dreams And Other Stories

So, let's get back to our roots here--I mean, dreams are in the subtitle of this blog, and I have them like every night.  Plus, why waste a good ready made story, especially the one I had last night?

Since I started my current job, I've had a lot of work dreams about it.  Like an unusual number, for me at any rate--generally my dreams have been more adventure oriented.  I blame the excessive input of science fiction, fantasy, and superhero books, TV, and comics.  Most nights I'm saving the world from the whatever, or being chased by the whoever.  But lately, there've been a lot of work dreams.  Current job work dreams (as opposed to OMG WHY AM I BACK AT FAZOLI'S??!!).  These range from pleasantly bizarre (the one where half of the machine shop was a Chinese restaurant), to annoyingly ordinary (I feel like I should get paid for putting in a shift in my sleep), to well, last night.

Last night involved dinosaurs.  At work.

Have I mentioned that I work as a CNC machinist, not a paleontologist?  And yet, somehow, last night they were excavating three baby t-rexes near the store room. 

Three live baby t-rexes.

 Baby T-Rexes.  The fact that this is a picture of velociraptors is not lost on me.

One of them was going to be donated to a museum or a zoo or something for the science, and we were going to keep the other two for...something....  I don't know what.  In real life we make pneumatic cylinders.  I have no idea what possible application dinosaurs could have to that.  Anywho, the first one sort of starts running around, and I'm like, wow, this cannot end well, I'm getting the fuck out of here.  So, I run through the stock room, and I realize, I'm not making it out of here before those things get to me.  I looked around at my options, and immediately decide that the shelves are my best bet.  Sure, they might be able to climb up the chain link fence (even in the dream I wondered why the store room shelves suddenly had fencing in front of them all the way up--I guess Dreamlands work had been having shrinkage issues or something), but they would go after the easy prey on the ground first.  So I climb the fence.  Partway up, this black guy from the office sees me, and thinks I have the right idea, and he starts climbing, too.  We make it to the top and start clambering around on boxes.  He just sort of collapses on a couple, and then falls.  (We're talking about like 20-30 ft racks.  He did not survive.)  I'm like, damn, and I settle in behind some boxes and lean back to get comfy, at which point I discover that the boxes behind me are much, much lighter than I thought and I go down, too.  At some point in all this, the thought crosses my mind, "Well, I suppose it's better than getting eaten by dinosaurs, right?" 

Then boom, I hit the ground with a resounding thud, breaking every bone in my body and, well, I died.

And then  everything went white and the credits started rolling.

And then I woke up.

On a side note, I think the credits may have been in Japanese and may have included God and at least one of the archangels (St. Michael, specifically).  Also worth noting is that this somehow did not have the proper emotional content to qualify as a nightmare.  It doesn't count as a nightmare unless I wake up crying and/or whimpering.  I actually wouldn't even consider this a bad dream.  But the one the other night where I was being given free kittens and then this giant bug (imagine something somewhere between a shrimp, a chest burster, and a really big, brown silverfish and you've got the idea) ran across the floor and then it was on my arm and I couldn't get it off, that was a nightmare. 

Giant bug on my arm=whimpering and clutching the husband for emotional support

Actually falling to my death=Tuesday

Sweet dreams, everybody!

Various Updates And A Story About A Camel

Hey kids!
So, it's been forever since I posted anything, and while I generally prefer not to do the whole, OMG, sorry for not posting in forever posts, I feel like it's been long enough to warrant it in this particular case.  So this one may be a little whiny and annoying, for which I sincerely apologize.  Feel free to skip to the bit about the camel.

I've been pretty busy with work (for those who don't know, I started my first "real" full time job around a year and a half ago), and my schedule has been kinda bizarre.  It's been a regular bizarre, at least, unlike retail (where a schedule that involves clopening is a real possibility), and I've had my weekends off, but second shift is a struggle, let me tell you.  I would also like to point out that you can, indeed, get used to anything, to the point where my scheduled work time of 3:18-11:48 seems perfectly normal now (there's a lot of industry in the area, and apparently all the businesses got together to stagger their start times).  Anywho, this leaves me with the awkwardness of either having all my free time before work, which makes it hard to enjoy, having it all after work, when everything is closed, or splitting it up and never being quite right.  I have opted for the latter, mostly because the idea of sleeping until 2pm everyday just seems wrong.  Either way, I haven't had a lot of free time, which means some of my hobbies get neglected more than others.  Couple that with the sheer exhaustion of actually working 40 hours a week, much of which is spent standing on the hardest concrete you've ever seen (no, seriously, the concrete floor where I work is harder than the one where you work.  Pretty sure it has to be to support the weight of all the machinery and forklifts and other crap), and most of the week I'm too tired to do anything.  I now have a better understanding of the phrase "working for the weekend" than I ever wanted.
In addition to the time issues, I also have additional social awkwardness in that, while all of my coworkers are wonderful people and very much like family, they're also all from a very different background, so there's not a lot of common ground.  It's a little isolating.  Couple that with the actual, physical isolation of the work itself (back in the machine shop area we're all pretty much in our respective corners running our machines), and my social skills--and verbal acuity--have taken a bit of hit.  When you're not using words all the time, it can get hard to string together a cohesive sentence.

The other reason is actually fairly ironic.  I've noticed an increasing toxicity on the internet, and it's really not something I want to contribute.  I'm saying things have to be rainbows and butterflies all the time, but there is a crap ton of negativity, and I kind of noticed a lot of my posts kinda heading in that direction.  While I like to think I'm vaguely entertaining in my snark, I'd like to have a more positive focus (or at least a more thought provoking one) and well, most of my stories lately are either really boring or kinda bitchy.
I do have a number of topics I'd really like to cover that I can do so in a manner consistent with the direction I want to go, but they're pretty massive subjects, and getting started and keeping them somewhat concise has been a little tricky--if you're curious about some of the somedays, they include but are not limited to: sexism (what it is and is not), women in STEM (this is actually kind of personal, as machining kinda falls under that umbrella and there are very few women in the field), Christian fundamentalism and witchcraft (It's only been fairly recently that I've been exposed to fundamentalism and it is bizarre and baffling.  Of particular note is how disturbingly misinformed this group seems to be about what witchcraft actually consists of), and the value problem in the arts (we love nice art, and music, and TV, but we don't want to pay for it and thus allow artists to afford to continue making it).

That said, I appreciate your patience with me, as always, and hope you'll continue checking back from time to time.

THE BIT ABOUT THE CAMEL

I promised you a camel, and gosh darn it, you're going to get one.

The other night I had this dream. (You should have expected it to start this way--how else am I going to have an entertaining story about a camel?)  And in this dream I was running through this palatial maze-like house (a common theme, actually), and I was trying to find my way out.  The owner was going to do something bad to me, like evil science experiments or something.  Anyway, I find this door and I go through it, and find myself in this petting zoo.  Well, it's still on the estate, so I go running through it, trying to find my way out, and there's like sheep and stuff all in these pens, when suddenly, I feel this tug.

A camel is eating my panties.

While I'm wearing them.

And not in the sexy way (which would just be weird and definitely verging into nightmare territory), but in an I'm a fucking camel and I'm going to give you the worst fucking wedgie of your life because I'm an asshole kind of way.  Seriously, I was still wearing pants.  Asshole camel.

"You ate her panties?  Dude, that's hilarious!  Wish I'd thought of that!"