So, ever since I started back to school, I've been getting calls from college recruiters. Well, technically I've been getting them since early summer, but the ones earlier this year were all for some guy. I think his name was Mike Luddo, or at least that's what it sounded like the people calling were saying. Half of them sounded like they had marbles in their mouths or something.
I really hate this Mike Luddo guy, and if I ever meet him, I'm going to kick him so hard. It's so not cool to be receiving unsolicited phone calls from colleges at all hours of the day when you're a) trying to find work, so you have to answer unfamiliar numbers because it might be someone offering you a job and b) when you're in the process of moving out of your crappy apartment which fills you with rage (the apartment, although having half your stuff on the other side of town is also unpleasant). I went off on several of these callers. I think one of them thought I was an angry girlfriend or something because they were all, "Do you know who this is?" "I don't care, stop calling me!" I tried to find out where they got my number so I could get pulled from the master list, but they always hung up on me. Eventually it dried up, I think because I reported them to the no call list, which I'm on. Still, if Mike ever wonders why he never heard back from RISD, that's totally me. Maybe he should have put his own damn number down.
But I digress. Now I'm receiving calls from college recruiters who actually want to talk to me, instead of that jackhole Mike. It's still super annoying, because I have no idea how I got on their list. I don't remember signing up for any college recruiting lists. My best guess is that my current school gave it out (it is a community college, so a lot of people transfer) or something went horribly wrong in my attempts to find work. Either way, I really don't understand why they keep calling me. I'm damn near thirty, so I'm not some wet behind the ears kid who's willing to listen to their propaganda. I just bought a house, so I'm not going to move halfway across the country. I have two degrees, am working on a third, am 23 hrs away from a BBA, and 12 hrs away from an MFA (12 hours which would have had to have been taken over two semesters, I must add).I'm already up to my tits in student loan debt, so why would I want to take out even more?
Of course, what really brings this up is that I got another call from one this morning. Now, those of you who have had the pleasure of calling me in the morning know what I'm like when you wake me up. I have several friends who are actually afraid to call me before 10 a.m. I am so violently not a morning person, but that's probably best covered another day. At my best, when woken up by the phone I am groggy and retarded. At my worst, I am openly antagonistic. Depending on the hour, I may start off by yelling at you (I still feel bad about giving ADT a hard time when they called about the shop alarm at 3 am one night).
You see, when I am awakened by the phone ringing, a fairly basic series of thoughts runs through my head. I say runs, but it's more like crawls. I'm not swift in the morning. Incoherent is a good word to describe me. This morning was no exception. This morning's wake up call went something like this (with bonus! look inside of Linda's head):
The phone is ringing.
Why is the phone ringing?
Who the fuck is calling me at this hour? [pick up phone and check the caller ID]
I don't know this number.
Maybe they want to give me a job.
I should answer the phone.
[answer the phone] "Hello?"
"Blah blah blah blah."
Why did you wake me up?
You aren't trying to set up a job interview.
You aren't a friend in need of assistance.
Who the fuck are you and what do you want?
"Blah blah, blah blah blah."
I can't really understand half of what you're saying.
I just woke up.
I can't process verbal input yet.
Tell me what you want so I can go back to sleep.
"Blah blah blah, college recruiter, can I have a minute of your time?"
Oh, wait, I caught that.
College recruiter?
What the fuck?
I'm in school.Why would I want to change schools?
I want to go back to sleep.
"You're a college recruiter? I've been in school my entire life. I don't need any more bloody education."
"Blah blah, I'm sorry. Blah blah-"
Why are you wasting my sleeping time with this? [hang up] I'm also half asleep, so I still didn't make out half of what you said. I don't care, I'm tired.
Fucking assholes.
How'd they get my number, anyway?
I hate them.
*snore*
If I'd been more awake, I'd have gone off about how I'm on the no call list and demanded to know where they got my number from, but my morning retardation prevented me from doing so. Oh, well, I'll just have to grill the next one. At least they're not calling as often as they did for Mike.
I wish they'd come to my door so I could kick them and set them on fire.
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