Boy Scout Beer

So, the boy scouts are out right now, trying to sell popcorn.  I had one come to the door, I ducked into Kroger and got asked like three times if I wanted popcorn.  Now, this puts me in a bit of a predicament.  See, I hate it when people try to sell me crap, but at the same time I have trouble being mean to little kids.  (Well, little kids who aren't being brats at least).  I feel like we should make some effort to be nice to them, since they'll be getting treated like crap soon enough. 

As much as I have a rep for hating kids, I really don't like making them cry.

At the same time, I really don't want popcorn.  So I have to politely crush their dreams and watch their hopeful little faces get all sad because I said no.  I'm pretty sure this is intentional (hell, the girl scouts practically patented the routine), but I'm not anymore likely to buy popcorn.  It's not like it's girl scout cookies.

Seriously, who in this country doesn't buy at least a box every year?

And this got me thinking.  I mean, really, popcorn?  Come on.  Surely there's something better that they could sell.  Something people really want--like cookie crack.  I can get popcorn anywhere.  Girl scout cookies?  I have to go through the scouts.  The boy scouts need something like that. 

So, what could they sell?  Not cookies, the girl scout mafia would put a quick stop to that.  Anyway, that's pretty girly.  It should be something masculine.  Something manly.  Something everyone will buy.  Like beer.

Boy Scout Beer.

They could learn about brewing and get a brewing badge, and then go out and sell it and get a badge for that, too.  Think about it!  Even if it's crappy beer, it would still only be available once a year, and people would totally buy it for the novelty.  I don't even drink beer, but I would have to buy a case.  Of course, then again there is the whole liquor license thing, and minors not being able to sell alcohol.  Still, they could do something else.  Maybe root beer?  Root beer is tasty.  They could do, like, spiffy soda or something.  And then you could drink it with the girl scout cookies you saved.

Nah, beer would be better.

Derpy Hooves would also prefer beer.

I want a badge in brewing.

The Daily Hate

So, yeah, this post was originally going to be my anti-greenie rant (which is really more against idiots than against pollution), but recent crap in the news compels me to dedicate it to something else that is driving me bonkers.  I have to get it out of my system, or my ordinarily calm, won't-kill-a-bug-even-if-it's-fucking-huge-and-six-inches-from-his-face husband will have to kill me.  We'll cover the rabid environmentalist subject later.

I'd like to preface this by saying that I'm usually apolitical.  I honestly believe that no one in politics truly has our best interests in mind, and thus we will be screwed no matter what happens.  This bleak view makes me pretty apathetic, since it means there's no point in caring.  Whether you agree or not is up to you, and I firmly believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  However, I also believe that you should have some sort of basis for your belief and actually know what it is.  And here we're approaching our actual subject. 

Today's Daily Hate is brought to you by the Occupy Wall Street movement.  I'm using movement for lack of better terms.  I'm honestly not really sure exactly what it is, but it kinda looks like a movement.  If a movement had no actual goal, no real stance, and the people involved had no idea what was going on.  See, I've been curious about it, mostly because I don't understand why anyone would want to occupy Wall Street to begin with.  I mean, it's boring as hell unless you're a financial wizard and its not like the stockbrokers can do anything about the problems inherent with the system.

What I have gathered about the OWS thing is that it's a movement against corporate greed and corrupt government.

Okay, I can get behind that.  I mean, stuff like the Enron scandal isn't cool, and companies should try to look after their workers and not just work them to death for peanuts.  And, well, they do say we have the best government money could buy.  Makes sense.  But did I also mention that these people are also against income inequality?

Let's say that again.  Income inequality.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but the U.S. has a capitalist economy.  This means that most businesses are privately held and for profit, which belongs to the owner of the company.  This would further imply that if you created a better mousetrap, sold the crap out of it and got rich, the profits would be yours to do with as you pleased.  If you didn't create the better mousetrap (or anything else) and just worked for the guy who did, you'd earn a flat wage based on the work you did.  You would not be entitled to any of the profits.  This pretty much automatically means people are going to have different--unequal--incomes.  Income inequality is inherent in the system.  In fact, about the only economic system it's not going to be present in (and this is really only in theory) is communism, which doesn't work.  You see, people are greedy.  We always want more than what we have, unless we're some sort of monk, priest or nun.  Capitalism uses this to the economy's advantage by encouraging it--if you want to make more money, work harder, create an even better mousetrap than the other guy, and you will be rewarded.  This also encourages innovation and provides a wider market of goods and services to choose from.  Also, the business owner who makes more money is able to provide more and better paying jobs, because 1) he needs more staff to keep up with demand and 2) he mas more money to give the staff.  Communism, on the other hand, pretty much guarantees stagnation because, well, why should you work harder than absolutely necessary?  It's not like you're going to be rewarded.  You're going to get the same ration of soylent green whether you make ten steel lawn darts or fifty.

Not that I'm saying soylent green is people or anything.

Seriously, look at the state of the working class in communist countries.  Or heck, just look at the numbers.  China currently has one of the fastest growing economies but, based on data provided by wikipedia, their GDP per capita is a bit over $8000.  In contrast, the same value for the U.S. is almost $47000.  Compare the living conditions for the poor in each nation, and you'll have an even better idea of the difference.  And then look at the quality of goods produced, and well, I think I've made my point.  Feel free to compare the no longer solvent USSR to the US at the time, and you'll see the same thing.  Long story short, if everyone gets the same income no matter what they do, you're going to be giving an awful lot of people either a free ride they don't deserve, or the shaft.

And this is what they want?!  I really doubt that.  Part of the problem here is that many of those protesting are really just pissed that they can't pay their bills or they can't get a job.  Those are legitimate problems and as someone who was formerly barely making enough money to pay the interest on her student loans and is now back in school to retrain for a better pay line of employment, I understand, I really do.  But telling the rich people to give you a cut of money you did nothing to produce is not the way to do it (and I'm not saying all rich people earned their money, either, just that you shouldn't demand handouts).  Remember, it they can't be rich, that means you can never be rich, either.

These people are angry (rightfully so), but have no direction and don't understand how the system is actually supposed to work.  They want a quick fix to a problem that was decades in the making, and are so busy pointing the finger at whose fault it is and who should fix it that they're completely oblivious to what's actually going on.  The current economic problems can't be blamed on any one business or group--it took a lot of people doing to wrong thing to get where we're at.  For example, take the housing market.  It crashed because banks gave out loans to people who couldn't afford to pay them back.  And yeah, there were shenanigans on the part of the banks, with predatory lending and such, but the people who took those loans out bear some of the responsibility, too.  You hear complaints about all the speculation with the stock market.  Well, I hate to break it to you, but people buy and sell stocks based on how well it's going to do.  You don't know for a fact that Company X is going to do well, you're betting that it will.  That's how it works.  It's really not that much different from betting on a horse race, if you think about it.  I'm not saying speculative stock exchanges and subprime lending didn't contribute to the problem, but I am saying there's more to it than that.

The guys on Wall Street didn't cause your problems, and the vast majority of them can't do anything to fix them.  Banks can change their lending practices so this doesn't happen again, but they can't fix the current problem.  Protesting against Wall Street does nothing, except show how ignorant you are.  I barely follow economic news, and I can poke holes in your argument and support them with fifteen minutes of research.

And don't even get me started on the whole 99% thing.  Of course the top one percent is the wealthiest.  It wouldn't be the top one percent otherwise!  What about the top 2-25%?  They're also pretty rich.  By picking these numbers, you're implying that 1% of the country has nearly all the wealth.  You're trying to imply that 99% of the country is living in poverty or homeless which, frankly is absurd.  Damn it, do your math, and your research!

Yes, our economic system is in dire peril and yes, our government is corrupt (but still better than many other nations, I must point out), but if you want something done, at least complain to the right people.  March on your state capitals, protest in Washington.  If you want to shout at the banks, go ahead!  But do it at their corporate headquarters, not on Wall Street.  Yes, some banks are located there, but a good number aren't.  Some are in Midtown Manhattan.  I know for a fact that Bank of America and BB&T are actually operated out of North Carolina.  The New York Stock Exchange is not responsible for your problems, it's just an indicator.  Yelling at it is like shouting at a swarm of bees.

Better yet, instead of standing around holding signs and shouting, why not try to be part of the solution?  Write your congressman, invent that better mousetrap and start your own business, create some jobs yourself.  If you're charismatic enough, why not try running for office and fixing the system from within (then again, maybe not, if you think Wall Street is responsible for our problems).  Work together to come up with a solution to address the problem from our end (we the people do share part of the responsibility, after all).

Yes, the system is broken, but screwing over the banks and corporate America is not going to fix it.  (Actually, considering the number of people employed by corporate America and the banks I think it's quite likely to make things worse).  Adjusting government regulations so that they both protect and serve the people (whether that is increasing or decreasing them)  will fix it. Penalizing businesses and individuals for not following those regulations will fix it.  Figuring out a way to make it profitable for industry to operate domestically again (which will provide more jobs that have a living wage) will fix it.  Educating people on how to function within society and how to be fiscally responsible will fix it.  And some compassion and patience from the people who aren't struggling right now will help, too.

This, while funny, will not fix anything.

All I'm trying to say is, if you want to protest, be clear about what you want, and use some common sense.  And if you want to solve the problem, there are better things you could be doing.  Yeah, the system is broken, but of our choices, it allows for the most innovation, personal growth, and opportunity. 

(And if you want to live in a communist country, move to China.)



Rant over, crawling back into my hole now.  Feel free to leave inflammatory comments below.

How To Project #1, part 2 of 2

Continuing our project that we started the other day....

Okay, so you've got your domes done.  Let's go ahead and make the rest of your parts, shall we? 

Step 1

Make the jump rings to connect the domes.  You'll need the 3/16" dowel and the 20g sterling round wire.  Sand the end of your wire (however much you're going to use) with 400 grit sandpaper.  Clamp the dowel in a vise.  You want a short end sticking out on one side. Coil the wire around the dowel, making a nice tight coil, with no spaces.  Each coil will end up being one jump ring, so if they're all stretched out they won't be round.  If you have trouble getting started, clamp the end of your wire in the vise, right with the dowel.  Then you'll saw into your rings and the dowel at angle.  Make sure you only cut the top side of the rings--cutting at an angle reduces the odds of cutting all the way through. 

They may pull apart slightly as you cut.  That's normal.

As to how many rings you should make, that's really up to you.  You will need three rings of this size for this project.  I usually make a few extras.  A lot of the time the first coil or two isn't as tight as the rest, and a few extra jump rings are always handy to have around.  If you decide to make a billion and the end of the dowel starts getting in the way, cut it off.  You're using it as a disposable mandrel.

Now, some books will show you to make the coil and then use wire nips to cut the rings.  This is perfectly fine--if you don't care how it looks, or about the sturdiness of the closure.  The difference is easily illustrated.

A jump ring cut with wire cutters only has one very small point of contact to keep it closed.  If you saw your jump rings, the entire end of each ring touches.  This also makes soldering much easier, and there will be soldering quite soon.

Once you've cut your 20g jump rings, switch out for the 1/8" dowel and the fourteen gauge wire.  Repeat the procedure so you have at least two 14g jump rings.  Don't forget to sand with 400!

Step 2

Cut the neck wire and make the hook.  For the neck wire itself, take the 14g and cut an appropriate length.  I'll be honest, I just wrapped it around my neck and eyeballed it.  Remember when you do this that your class will take up 3/4"-1", so leave it a hair on the short side.  If I were to measure what I cut, it's probably around 15" or so.  You may need more or less, depending on your neck size.  File the ends flat.  You can use a machinist's vise for this if you have one, or just do it by hand.  Sand the length with 400 grit when you're done.

The hook is trickier, and I apologize that I have no pictures.  You might want to try it in copper a couple of times.  I've actually done this clasp several times before and screwed it up (in my defense it's been a while). Again, sand the end of the wire before you get started.  Take the end of the 14g wire and hammer it flat.  Round off the end with a file.  Take your round nose pliers and make a bend at the end of the flat portion, then make a curve just past that in the opposite direction.

Here's some diagrams to give you and idea of where you're going with this.  Once you've gotten the hook formed, bend the end down a little bit.

Cut your hook off the wire.  Leave a little extra on there, about like in the illustration above.  File this end flat.  This will give you a base to solder with, and space to operate the clasp.

All of the parts we've done so far today can be worked on while you're waiting on stuff in the pickle, as well as after you've completed the domes.  Either way, you should have all your parts now.

Disregard the smaller jump rings in this illustration.  I initially made them with a 1/8" inner diameter, which doesn't let it hang right.  This is what happens when you design on the fly.

 The hook and larger jump rings.  These three pieces will form the clasp.

This is what your smaller jump rings should look like.

Step 3

Solder the clasp to the neck wire.  You will need at least two grades of solder (hard and medium, or if you feel really confident, medium and easy).  You'll solder one ring to each end of the neck wire, and then the hook to one ring.  This could, theoretically, be accomplished in one go, with one grade of solder, but let's take things one step at a time.

So, lay the neck wire down on your soldering space, and butt a ring up to each end.  You want the joint to be flat, so everything is on the same plane.  When you've got the rings soldered on, if you look at it from the side it should be a straight line.  You may have to get creative with your setup--my soldering block is only six inches square, so I had to improvise with old ones.

Here's my setup.  It was tricky, especially with the blocks being different heights.

If you're really struggling, just do them one at a time.  It's better to spend more time with your setup, than solder things together wrong.  Taking shit apart sucks balls.

Anywho, once you're set up, dab some flux at the joints, put a small piece of hard solder on each joint, and fire up your torch.  Ordinarily you'd have to heat the entire piece to get the solder to melt, but where you're dealing with such small pieces, you can focus on the ends.  Heat one end until the solder goes liquid, then the other.  Be careful not to melt your jump rings.  

Once you've got the jump rings on there, you can put the hook on.  Again, things are going to be tricky.  You want to hook in line with the neck wire, so you can't just lay it on it's side.  There's a few options for set up here.  You can use a third hand to hold it in place, or you can carve a groove in your soldering pad to hold it.  I recommend the latter--it's more stable, and isn't a heat sink.  Just use some tweezers or something and dig until you can put the hook in it and have it butt up nice and smooth to one of the rings.

Here's my set up for soldering the hook. 

Use medium solder for the join so you don't undo your last joint.  Fire it up, but be careful you don't overheat it.  I'll be honest, when I did this, I overheated it and the neck wire popped off the jump ring.  Because I was an overconfident idiot, I used medium and easy, and had to use an anti flux on the hook joint so I could put it back together.  Learn from my fail.  Don't overheat it.  If you're really worried, you can go ahead and put something on the wire to ring joint so the solder won't flow, just in case.  Yellow ochre is traditional, but gross and messy.  Water based white works well, but make sure you have ventilation.  Regular white out will make really nasty fumes and I can't in good conscience recommend you use it (even though it works just as well and is easier to find).

So, you've got your clasp soldered on.  Yay!  Now file and sand any excess solder off your joints (don't be a Messy Milton).  I have some nifty bits I like to use in my flex shaft for this--they're silicone, so as you use them, they'll wear down to various useful shapes, making it easy to get into odd corners and inside jump rings.

This one is about used up, but you can see how such a slim finishing bit would be handy.

Also, at this point, make any final adjustment to the hook.  The above picture is how the clasp actually works.  You should feel some resistance as it passes over the jump ring, but things should still move smoothly.  Carefully bend the closed neck wire into a smooth round shape.  If you have some round of the appropriate size, you can form it around that.  Otherwise, well, do your best. 

Step [whatever step we're on now.  You think keeping track of all this is easy?]

Okay, you've got a neck wire with a clasp, three jump rings and three discs.  Use the jump rings the connect the discs together, then to attach the disc assembly to the wire.  Strictly speaking, you should solder those rings shut, but soldering 20g jump rings is a tricky task (use easy).  I'll leave it up to you whether you want to do it right (and solder) or take the easy way out and run the risk of catching the jump rings on something and losing a piece. 

 

Oh, hey, look!  You're done!

Feel free to try variations.  You can play with the disc size or number, you can bend the neck wire for a more conforming fit, you can mix metals, whatever you want.

NEXT TIME:  Words I Hate/My Problem With the "Green" Movement (Including the Fact That Green is an Adjective, Not a Noun)

How To Project #1, part 1 of 2

As promised, this week's post is a how to project.  There's a lot of pictures, so I'm going to break it up into about three posts.  I'll try to crank 'em out quick though.  It's a pretty simple project, although the clasp is a bit tricky.  Even if you aren't up to making it, it'll give you an idea of how I do that voodoo that I do so well.  I'll be showing you how to make this:

Tiered Dome Necklace

This piece is inspired by the work of a dear friend of mine, Molly Strader (her website didn't want to load for me, so I'm directing you to her facebook page).  She does a lot with domes,  all of which is far more awesome than this little guy.  Still, this is a classy little piece, and great if you're wanting to do some production work.

To make the Tiered Dome Necklace you will need the following:

Tools:

sandpaper (standard jewelry grits are 220, 400, and 600)

jewelers saw frame, with blades (I used 2/0 size blades)

round nose pliers

disc cutter

dapping block and punches

planishing hammer

hammer you don't care about (you'll use this with the dapping block and disc cutter--don't use your planishing hammer)

vise

1/8" and 3/16" dowels

torch and soldering accessories (board, tweezers, at least two grades of solder, flux and pickle)

needle files

flex shaft, #20 drill bit, and finishing bits

optional: wire nips, machinist's vise

Metal:

20 gauge sterling sliver sheet (a 2" by 3" section should be sufficient)

14 gauge sterling silver round wire (around 2 feet)

20 gauge sterling silver round wire (maybe a foot)

Now before we get started, I just want to emphasize safety.  Always be careful with an open flame and make sure you have adequate ventilation, especially if you are using a flux with fluorides.  Wear safety glasses, especially if you are using a flex shaft.  You will be dealing with sharp pointy things, heavy smashing things, fire, and hot things.  Take appropriate precautions and remember, if you damage yourself it's not myself.  Make sure your torch is in good condition to avoid gas leaks and worse.  If you're uncertain, feel free to take a jewelry class first--you won't even need my direction for this if you do.

Again, I am not liable if you damage yourself in any way.

Also, you'll notice that some of the pictures show copper as the metal used and other silver.  That's because, well, I decided halfway through that I wanted to use this project for a how to and had to redo half the steps.  The process is still the same, and if you'd rather use copper to save some money, go for it.

Step 1

Cut out your discs. You'll need one each in the following sizes: 3/4", 5/8", and 1/2".  On my disc cutter, this is the three smallest sizes.  I'll be honest, I happened to find my discs while going through my scrap, which is a good lesson in using your material wisely.  Extra important with the price of silver running as high as it is.

For your disc cutter lesson, sandwich your metal between the two halves of the cutting block, and go ahead and place your cutter in the hole.  Make sure the edges of the sheet aren't to close to where you're making the disc, or you'll have a flat spot.

 Make sure to place it over something solid to absorb the blows from your hammer, like the post on your workbench.  Otherwise, everything's going to wobble and you'll get nasty marks on your discs.  If you're lucky enough to have a hydraulic press, just stuff the whole assembly in there and skip this step.

Once you've got everything set up, give the blunt end of the cutter a few good blows with a hammer that it's okay to ding up.  (i.e. not your planishing hammer, which has to have a clear polished face.)  I like to use what I refer to as my lucky smacking hammer.  It's an old claw hammer that belonged to my granddad.

 

Once you're done, you should have three discs graduated in size.  Do with the scrap what you will.  I usually save mine for later.  Sometimes you'll need a little sliver, and if nothing else, you can always sell it off later.  Go ahead and sand with 220 at this point, just to get out any big scratches.  You can hammer them out later, but it's easier to get rid of them now.

Step 2

Form your discs into domes.  You'll start off by annealing your dics.  With sterling, you want it to glow red in the dark, but not when it's light.  If you do it right, you almost won't be able to tell you heated them (until you touch them and burn your fingers). If your discs are black, you overheated them and might have to worry about firescale later.  Just don't melt them.

Pretty much you're just going to be heating them up so the metal becomes soft and is a bit easier to work.  Once you're done, quench them, then toss them in the pickle pot to get clean.

One trick I picked up to make pickling small pieces easier is to take a film canister, drill a bunch of holes in the bottom and two near the top, then use some copper wire to make a handle.  You now have a tiny bucket you can use to suspend small parts in your pickle pot.  Just bend the handle so the whole thing doesn't fall in and you won't have to fish around for ages with your tongs.

Like this.

Once everything's clean (make sure to rinse everything off with water) and uber dry, then you can form your domes.  Again,  make sure your discs are dry, or you run the risk of damaging your tools. 

Now, before I forget, you will have to drill some holes in your domes at some point.  You can do it before you dome or after.  If you do it before, you'll probably have to redo it after, because the doming process will deform the holes a bit.  I do recommend at least marking where you'll be drilling before you dome--it's a lot easier to place the holes on a flat surface.  Use a ruler or combination square to find the center and draw a line.  Then use a center punch to mark a spot at each end of the line.  You want it close to the edge, but not so close that you'll drill through the edge.

This looks good.  Rocket science, it is not.

Do this for the two smaller discs, but only mark one spot for the big one (since it's only connecting to one thing.

Now, break out your block and punches.  Pick a dome on the block that the large disc fits comfortably in, down a bit from the edge.  Make sure the center punched side is facing up so that it'll be on the inside of the dome.

 Like this.

Select the appropriately sized punch.  If your set is anything like mine, they might even be marked with their sizes.  I used a 22 (mm?) punch.

I'm ashamed to admit how long it was before I noticed these markings.

Set your punch in the middle of your disc and give it five firm smacks with the hammer.  Be careful not to get your punch off center, or you can hammer it into the block and damage it.  Do this for all three discs.

Now, switch to a smaller dome on the block, using the same fitting criteria.  You'll also need a smaller punch.  I used a 20, if that'll give you any help.  Repeat the process, right down to the five smacks.

  This may also give you a reference.  I pretty much just flopped from the three hole side to the four holed side.

Once you've done that, you should have your domes all formed.  Yay!

They'll look like this.  The left one shows how it would look if you predrilled.

Go ahead and drill your holes now, using a #20 drill bit.  Drill from the inside out.  They should be work hardened, but this way you don't have to worry about accidentally deforming your parts.  Your set up will look something this:

Make sure you hold onto your part, or the bit will grab it and spin it around.

Step 3

Making the hammered texture.  This step is easy.  Take the smaller dapping punch that you used (the 20) and place it in a vise.

Now, place a dome on the top of the punch.  Hold it steady, and gently hammer it with your planishing hammer.  Don't wail on it--you don't want to deform it, but do give it a steady pressure.  Move the disc as you hammer to make sure it's between the punch and the hammer at all times.  You probably want hearing protection for this.

Like this.

Don't worry too much about having all the marks right next to each other.  Just get a good even coverage.  Then do it again.  You want at least two or three rounds of hammering.  Do this for each dome.

 

This was about a round.

And we'll stop here for today.  I need a break.  Next time we'll tackle the jump rings, and start putting things together.

Antarctic Update!

Just wanted to give y'all an update about the Antarctic plan.  If you'll recall, we've had to move the time table up due to the upcoming end of the neutrality treaty, but we should still have time.  However, I have had some new information that I really think we should consider and I thought I'd put it to you, oh wise invisible cats. 

Item 1:

Having recently enjoyed a stirring radio play rendition of H.P. Lovecraft's The Mountains of Madness, we may want to tread carefully when we hit the interior.  I mean, I know Lovecraft was a fiction writer, but it doesn't hurt to be careful.  I mean, we don't need elder things and shoggoths terrorizing everyone.  Worst case scenario, we just don't build domes there.

An artist's rendering of a shoggoth.  Of the many that Google images pulled up, I felt this one best captured the sheer unnatural horror of the thing.

Yeah, so in the admittedly extremely unlikely event that Lovecraft wasn't making it up, we should be careful.  Just in case.  So we don't get driven mad by horrors beyond our ken.

Item 2:

Crabs are invading Antarctica ahead of us.  Now, while, they have beat us to the punch, I think we can overcome this little obstacle.  I see two solutions.  Firstly, we subvert them to our cause.  I mean, think about it.  Crabs are horrifying.

Seriously, do you want this coming after you?  You can't say you wouldn't scream, at least a little.

The particular variety of crab that's invading is freaking huge, and totally nightmare fuel.  They have the potential to become strong allies.  Combine them with the giant squid and we have quite the terrifying army of sea life.

Alternatively, and this would be a lot of work, but I think it would be worth the effort for us all, crabs are tasty.  Let me say that again.

Crabs are tasty.

See where I'm going with this?  Even if they decline to be our allies, we can just kill and eat them all.  It's like dinner walking up to your door and saying, "Hi!  Eat me!"  This is a win-win situation here, my friends, and we would be fools not to take advantage of it.  Either we end up with a strong new ally, or we have another food source besides penguins and fish.  And, let's not forget that crab is an essential ingredient in many kinds of sushi, so we could, theoretically, also corner the market on crab meat, and use them to bolster our economy.

Think about it.

Linda out.

Have It Our Way

I have confession to make.

I'm an addict.

I can't stop eating at Burger King.  I know it's unhealthy, but it's soo tasty.  Of course, the calories is not what makes it a bad habit.  It's what I have to go through to get those calories.  I always order the exact same thing, at every Burger King I go to.  A bacon double cheeseburger with no mustard.  I usually also get fries, and sometimes a soda.  But the burger is the sticking point.  You see, they screw up my order about 98% of the time, at about 99% of the locations I have been to.  That's right, this is an issue at almost every single one I've been to.  I think the only exception was that random one in Tennessee, and that could have just been the 2% they get right.  This has been a problem in: Richmond, KY, Greenville, NC, Compton, NC, and three locations locally, which pretty much sums up most of my Burger King experiences. 

Now, I will admit that the bacon double cheeseburger no longer exists on the official menu.  HOWEVER, there is still a button for it, and even if there wasn't, they could just add bacon to a double cheeseburger.  Or ring up one of their stacker sandwiches with no sauce and add ketchup and pickle.  It's not like they no longer have the beef patties or cheese needed to make the damn thing.  So yeah, it's on the secret menu, but it's not like I'm asking them for something they don't have, like healthy food.

This is all I want. 

I don't even care that it will never be that pretty.

That said, our first hurdle is the cashier.  Now, there are three ways to ring up my sandwich, not counting doing it as a combo.  They are:

• bacon double cheeseburger, no mustard
• double cheeseburger, add bacon, no mustard
• double stacker, no stacker sauce, add ketchup and pickle 

I have been rung up for almost everything else.  At best, they just screw up the no mustard part, and it's the standard sandwich, or they do only mustard, which is gross, but remedied with a knife and lots of ketchup.  Sometimes there won't be bacon, sometimes they'll ring me up for a single bacon cheeseburger, and then the last time the guy tried to ring me up for a double whopper.

And then there was the bitch in Compton, NC (I was on my way home from Asheville) who told me that they didn't have that.  I flapped my mouth at her uncomprehendingly, walked out, and didn't stop again until I hit the state line.  I'm also not counting the nightmare I had in Greenville where I went to pay for it and the scary fat African American lady behind the counter kept bobbing her head at me and saying, "This card don't work.  This card don't work."  But that is something that would happen there.

The woman in my dream didn't look half this friendly.

 

Anyway, early on I wouldn't always catch it, so as long as what I got agreed with what they charged me for, I wouldn't complain (except about the mustard).  Now I watch them like hawks, which is why the last time I went the guy had to ring up my order three times.  Still, I can't help notice that there seems to be some bizarre lack of communication between the cashier and the guy in the back making the food.

Now at this point, you might be asking yourself, why does she have to have this burger?  If it gets messed up so much, why not order something simpler?  That's because I have found the bacon double cheeseburger from Burger King to have the best bun to beef to cheese to bacon to ketchup to pickle ratio and I hate mustard, so I leave that off everything.  It's comfort food, and reminds me pleasantly of my childhood (and how my parents never let me special order so I had to eat the mustard).  Again, it's an addiction, it doesn't have to be rational.

And apparently, neither do they.  See, once it makes it past the cashier, my order, which has finally been input correctly goes into the back somewhere, where god only knows what takes beef patties, cheese, and buns and throws them together in seemingly random ways.  Perhaps there is some overall design to my order almost always being wrong.  Perhaps something in the grand design requires it, or a tear in space and time will develop and the Great Old Ones will come through and devour us.  Either way, I have gotten almost every variation on this order, with the exception of no bun.  I have been given a:

• bacon double cheeseburger (straight, with mustard)
• bacon double cheeseburger, only mustard
• bacon double cheeseburger, only pickle
• bacon double cheeseburger, no ketchup
• bacon double cheeseburger, extra pickle
• bacon double cheeseburger, no pickle
• bacon cheeseburger (straight, with mustard)
• bacon cheeseburger, only mustard
• bacon cheeseburger, no mustard
• bacon cheeseburger, no ketchup
• double cheeseburger, (straight, with mustard)
• double cheeseburger, only mustard
• double cheeseburger, no pickle
• double cheeseburger, no ketchup
• double cheeseburger, no mustard
• cheeseburger (straight, with mustard)
• cheeseburger, no mustard
• cheeseburger, only mustard
• double hamburger, plain
• single stacker
• double stacker

And I'm not even counting the many times they have shorted me on cheese (it should have two slices, not one).  I was amazed during that whole Atkins thing that I never got one wrapped in lettuce instead of on a bun. 

 

 They are going to do this to me one day, I know it.  Never mind that this burger came from Jack In The Box.  They will find a way.

After all this, I still eat there.

Why?!!!!!  I don't know!!!  Every time they screw it up I swear to myself, "No more!"  I last maybe a month at best.  I get stressed out, or I get a craving, and I try to remind myself of the horrors that await me, and it works for a while, but I always wind up back there.  I've driven halfway across town to avoid one particular Burger King, only to get shivved at the next.  It's...just...so...tasty....


For the love of god, save me from myself.




So...anybody want to go get a burger?



COMING SOON (in no particular order): Antarctic Update!  How To!  Words I Hate, or If I Have To Hear One More Word About Your Sustainable, Low Carbon Footprint, Upcycling, Green Lifestyle I'm Going To Punch you In the Face!

There Are NO Ponies In Sailor Moon

Really, there aren't.  It's a pegasus.

So, Sailor Moon is a terrible, terrible anime.  It's all monster of the week with ridiculous monsters, the plot has holes you could drive a truck through, and our heroine is the most annoying and stupid girl ever to be created and I spend at least half of every episode simultaneously wishing something bad would happen to her and wondering how on God's green earth SHE is the one to whom earth's safety is entrusted.  She's the only hero I've ever seen who defeats her enemies by feeling sorry for them and offering to be their friend.

"You're trying to kill me because you have no friends?  That's so sad!  I'll be your friend!"

That said, I fuckin' love this show.  Seriously.  If I'm going to be honest with myself, this is my favorite anime, quite possibly of ALL TIME.  Really, I <3 Sailor Moon.  If I ever drop that last twenty pounds and get contacts, I am totally going to cosplay as Sailor Mercury.  (Pluto's my favorite, but I'll never find a wig that long and I can never get that tan.)  You can't be carrying any extra weight and successfully cosplay a sailor scout.  Those girls are slim.  I think they may actually loose weight when they do their transformations.

Seriously, no one really has legs that long.

But I'd better take a step back before I start gushing on all of the awesome that Sailor Moon is.  And if you haven't watched it all the way and plan on doing so, stop reading now, because there will be spoilers.  Not that you can't figure out what's going to happen, but don't blame me if things get ruined for you.  Oh, and don't watch the English dub, it's terrible and they changed all the names. 

I also feel it prudent to point of that some of the images I'm using here are from the manga, as well as the anime.  Yes, there is a manga, and they're going to be rereleasing it in September.

Done?  Good.  For those of you who will never watch Sailor Moon because you think it's too girly, or aren't into anime, and are wondering why I'm devoting entirely too much time and space to it, here's a brief summary:

Usagi Tsukino thinks she's a normal girl, but she's really Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon (yes, that is what the full show title actually translates to), as revealed to her by her pet talking cat, Luna.  Along with her friends she saves the world from a variety of energy sucking enemies, some of whom are actually out to get her personally.  It get insanely involved and complicated from there, so check this out for the full scoop.  You've got about five seasons, and half the time everyone dies and the universe resets.  No, really.

If you skip to about 3:00, you can see the ghosts of her dead friends lend her the strength to defeat the evil queen (who's bitter because Sailor Moon got the guy), then you get to watch her die, and you get a lovely review of the horrible ways her friends died.  Next episode?  Everything's fine and everyone has completely forgotten everything.  And this is at the end of the first season. 

Of the seven major story arcs, four of the villains are out to get Sailor Moon personally.  Well, or her annoying spawn from the future.  Not that I can blame them, because Usagi is stupid. 

 

This is when she first gets her powers.  You know Artemis never had this trouble with Sailor Venus.  Skip ahead to 3:30 to see how her first fight goes.  She does improve over the series, however, someone else always has to actually do the damage, and she is prone to dropping or misplacing her crescent moon wand.

Yes, she loses their most powerful weapon in her bag.

As for her kid from the future (don't even ask), well, if this little girl:

 

doesn't fill you with utter hatred by the time you've seen her in one episode, then you are surely as full of goodness and light as Sailor Moon herself.  On the bright side, though, she is smarter and more competent than our heroine.


Speaking of smarter and more competent people, all of the rest of the Sailor Soldiers meet that description.  They are the unsung heroes of the show.  Sure, Usagi puts in the coup de grace or heals people or whatnot, but if the other girls didn't do their job first, she wouldn't have a chance to.  The outer planets (Sailors Saturn, Pluto, Neptune, and Uranus) are particularly powerful, although we rarely see Saturn or Pluto in action. 

 

Sailor Saturn destroys planets.  Hell yeah!

Neptune and Uranus become pretty regular characters later on, and they've really got their crap together.  I think they also get some of the better character development because 1) they're significantly older than the inner planet scouts 2) they get more screen time than Pluto and Saturn and 3) they're lovers.  That last is one of the many reasons not to watch the english dub version.  The show was sanitized for the kiddies when it aired here in the states and the two girls were suddenly "cousins."  A lot of footage had to be cut.  These two have some serious class, and are very devoted to each other.

Aren't they cute?

Speaking of romance, I will say that the overall romance of the show is really awesome.  Usagi and Mamoru (aka Tuxedo Mask) are your primary couple, and, especially when you get into the mythology of the show, their relationship is done really well, although I have no idea why he puts up with her.  That's love.  You almost feel bad for Usagi when Nehelenia steals him away with an enchantment in Sailor Stars.  That is, you feel sorry for her if you haven't taken a sadistic delight in her having to walk barefoot in the snow for miles and then through thorns to get to him and the final battle.

Speaking of Sailor Stars, though, I think that is my favorite season.  You get the full cast of Sailor Soldiers (minus Chibi Moon, thank god), plus you also get the Sailor Stars, who also add in a bit more controversy.  See, originally the artist intended that the three visiting Sailor Soldiers would be girls disguised as boys, because all Sailor Soldiers are girls.  For whatever reason, the networks (and we're talking in Japan here) decided that would be scandalous and that they would be boys, but turn into girls.  Also, you get the best attack EVAR:

Yes, she really is saying, "Star Gentle Uterus."

And on that note, goodnight everybody.