So, I know we've touched on the subject of dreams before, and on the fact that I tend to have a lot of them. Now before any of you innocent passersby from Google get confused, I'm not talking about your sugary "I want to be a princess!" type dreams. I'm talking about the kind your brain vomits up in the night to entertain and torment you. Now, I've long meant to start keeping a dream journal, and at the tag end of February I finally managed to get one started. I'm still keeping up with it too, although the new meds I'm one to help me sleep better have cut down on the quantity and vibrancy. That's really a blessing, though, and you'll see what I mean in a minute.
Let's just put it this way--every night is an adventure. Some more than others.
So let's start with just some raw stats. I do want to clarify a couple of things. Firstly, the only dreams that are counted are dreams I remember. If I woke up and remember that I had a bad dream, it doesn't count unless I remember something about it. Secondly, nightmares are defined as any dream where I woke a) whimpering b) crying c) afraid to get out of bed d) afraid to go back to sleep or e) any combination of the above. It can have nightmarish content, but if none of that occurred with it, it doesn't count.
These are the stats for the month of March:
Nightmares: 8
Bad dreams: 9
Dreams involving tornadoes: 4
Dreams involving Sherlock Holmes and or Watson: 2
Dreams involving bad/awkward architecture/design: 3
Nightmares involving bugs/spiders: 4
Most remembered dreams in one night: 8
Best dream: Epic adventures as a werewolf
Worst dream: Watching my husband plummet to his death live on the six o'clock news
Total dreams: 53
That averages out to about 1.7 dreams a night, with two nightmares a week. I will say, it has been worse than usual, especially with the nightmares (those are actually part of the reason I went to the doctor about my sleep issues). Of course, the fun thing here is that those dreams aren't aren't evenly distributed. There were nights where I didn't remember any at all. Now, luckily, since starting my new meds, I've been sleeping better, and I'm doing well to remember one or two dreams a night. That's closer to normal, which, frankly, is still a lot. The meds have also gotten the nightmare frequency down, and the two I've had weren't as bad, although.
Either way, this is not completely atypical of a month's worth of dreams. I dream all night, every night. I don't always remember what I dreamed, but I do remember that I dreamed. I'm pretty sure it's not normal, but I have yet to find any relevant information on anything like dreaming too much. On the plus side, I do get some really awesome dreams, some of which provide inspiration for paintings or stories. Actually, I have a wonderful plot for an erotic novel/short story that I got from a dream. I'd tell you about it, but then I'd have to kill you. And I plan on doing a painting of the marsh bunnies dream--it will have a lovely mauve sky, bright green hilly marshes, and adorable bunnies leaping in and out of the marsh. I'd tell you about more recent dreams, but, to be honest, the normal ones weren't over interesting, and I don't want to invoke pity by going into the nightmares.
Anywho, I'm off to go eat my sugar cookies that I bought because I had a dream about making sugar cookies the other night.
4.14.2012
4.03.2012
Why I Will Never Be an Alcoholic
Before we get started, let me get the obligatory PSA out of the way with: I am not mocking alcoholism. It is a serious, serious problem, and if you or someone you know suffers from it, encourage them to get help as soon as possible so they can get their life back on track.
Now that that's out of the way, all too many years ago, I reached the legal drinking age. Now, my folks never drank much, so I was never really exposed to alcohol. There was the occasional champagne at New Year's (which tasted like ass) and of course the wine at communion (which tasted even more like ass), but growing up, I didn't see much of it. Being the tremendous nerd I am, 21 just sort of rolled on by. I was old enough to drink but, well, I didn't know what to get, and I hated to waste five bucks on something I might not like, especially when I could get a soda (and unlimited refills) for only two. Over the years, I did find myself in the position to try some booze for free, and generally wasn't impressed. Admittedly, the first two drinks I tried were Coors and Peach Schnapps.
They were vile.
Beyond vile.
I would go so far as to say that Peach Schnapps is an abomination that should be wiped from the face of the earth.
Now that that's out of the way, all too many years ago, I reached the legal drinking age. Now, my folks never drank much, so I was never really exposed to alcohol. There was the occasional champagne at New Year's (which tasted like ass) and of course the wine at communion (which tasted even more like ass), but growing up, I didn't see much of it. Being the tremendous nerd I am, 21 just sort of rolled on by. I was old enough to drink but, well, I didn't know what to get, and I hated to waste five bucks on something I might not like, especially when I could get a soda (and unlimited refills) for only two. Over the years, I did find myself in the position to try some booze for free, and generally wasn't impressed. Admittedly, the first two drinks I tried were Coors and Peach Schnapps.
They were vile.
Beyond vile.
I would go so far as to say that Peach Schnapps is an abomination that should be wiped from the face of the earth.
This tastes nothing like peaches.
Further experiments with rum and coke taught me that I like my liquor like I like my coffee--so loaded up with other crap you can't taste it. And so we come to the first reason why I will never be an alcoholic:
1) I can't stand the taste of alcohol.
Seriously, it's vile. You can call me a snob if you like, but it doesn't change a thing. If I wanted to enjoy the taste of alcohol, I'd just down a bottle of rubbing alcohol and be done with it. At least that's cheap. And I'm super picky about how my drinks taste--I went on a wine tour a while back and by the end of it we had a running gag going to see if I'd like anything at all (there was a decent port, but my companions drank most of my share). I've reached the point where I stick with girly fru fru drinks--strawberry daquiris and the like. I can also get behind a weak rum and coke, and amaretto sours are pretty tasty.
Antiseptic, beer, tastes the same to me.
2) I can't afford to drink.
This rolls right back to reason one. Mixed drinks cost a heck of a lot more than beer. I've tried wine coolers, but they just don't taste good enough to justify it. That wine tour? Yeah, the one wine I really liked was the most expensive one. I can't drink the cheap stuff. I can buy the materials and mix my own, but, let's face it, at the frequency I drink, that bottle of amaretto in my fridge may be there for a couple years.
3) I can't hold my alcohol.
Seriously, one drink gets me tipsy. That's just pathetic. Oh, and I also get really sleepy. I joke that you'd have to get me really drunk to do karaoke in public--the cute trick would be keeping me conscious enough to do it. Karaoke also leads us to reason number four.
Not pictured: Me, passed out in the corner.
4) I can't let go of control long enough to get drunk.
Admittedly, most people will probably be envious of this one. But I can't not stop drinking. I start feeling kinda sick after two (mixed drinks, which, to my understanding, contain more alcohol per serving than wine or beer), and I really can't compel myself to go on after that point. I'm too responsible--I know that drinking too much will have me puking and passed out in the gutter, then waking up feeling like shit. I hate vomiting--after a nasty bout of stomach flu in undergrad, I almost have a pathological fear of it. In addition, I often wake up with many of the symptoms of a hangover dead sober, so I really don't want to make morning any worse. Failing all else, I'm just wound too damn tight.
5) One drink renders me unable to drive.
Okay, this is really just the reason why I'll never be a social drinker. My friends and I tend to have bizarre schedules, so any get together is usually a meetup. The hubby doesn't drink, so if we go to a bar I have to drive myself. If I'm driving, I can't drink, because I'll be too tipsy to safely get home. Which negates the purpose of going out to drink, n'est ce pas?
6) I can't stand bars.
If it's a restaurant with a bar, I'm good. I understand the social dynamics. But a bar? What am I supposed to do? Who do I pay? Where are the tables? Am I expected to talk to strangers? What is all that empty space for? Am I supposed to dance? Hell no! I've been in a straight up bar exactly twice, and the second time was to see some friends of our perform, so we actually had a group of people together (and the hubby was there). If I meet up with friends, I'm drinking water while everyone else is having fun. It's the typical shy nerdy girl at a party problem. And then you have all these noisy people invading your space because if you found a table it's about the size of a skinny person. There's no defense!
They're also never this well lit.
7) I feel lost and awkward in the liquor store.
Well, you say, if you're not going to a bar, why not just get drunk at home? It's cheaper, too. Again, my lack of experience shows. I don't entirely know what to get, or where to find it. I also feel like the staff is staring at me while I wander befuddled--"Wow, you have no idea what you're doing!" they must be thinking. As someone who is generally accepted to know everything, it hurts my pride when people think I'm an idiot, even when it's people who don't matter. Completely irrational, I know. And then you add in the fact that I have to google what I need before I even go, and all the fun is taken out of getting inebriated.
8) I feel many of the negative effects of drinking sober.
I touched on this before, but it's true. I wake up nauseous, sensitive to sound and light, and with a headache often enough that I almost don't notice it anymore. Why on God's green earth would I want to imbibe something that will cause these symptoms? I also tend to run kinda low on sleep, which tends to have the same effect on one's judgement as getting drunk. About the only thing I don't get sober is the buzz, or the relaxation effect. The latter can be provided easily with muscle relaxants, a good reiki massage, or a heating pad, and with no hangover. I can live without the buzz. I already question my grip on reality enough--I really don't need to loosen it.
And so that, my friends, is why I will never be an alcoholic. It's also why I am so darned reluctant to
go out drinking with you, in spite of how much fun it is to laugh at drunk people.
Next time: Dream Journal Revealed! How Much Does Linda Dream In a Month? Tornadoes and Spiders and Bees, Oh My!
Obligatory closing PSA: AA can be very helpful should you or someone you know need help quitting the bottle.
3.12.2012
Alien Abduction!!!!!!
The old blog has been pretty serious of late (mostly because I've been pretty serious of late), and I think it's about time we had a post with a little lighter tone. And so, this evening, I will relate the tale of how my husband and I determined that I was abducted by aliens this weekend. (Saturday night, or, considering when I went to bed, very early Sunday morning).
It all started with this:
And before you go all, what's that thing on their heads, it's actually really clever. Their combs clip onto it and you can hang them from stuff, like this:
It all started with this:
Exhibit 1: Mysterious Bruise
So, yesterday morning, while in the shower, I felt a stinging sensation in my left wrist, like I'd scraped it on something. The hubby and I examined said wrist, and discovered a large bruise on it (it actually looked worse than this yesterday). It really hurt, and there was a big knot on it. For a minute we wondered if serious damage had occurred, but it still moved okay. Since I had no idea where it came from, we chalked it up to a clumsy Linda incident and went on about our business (I find random bruises on my body all the time. A lot of it comes from walking into things and forgetting about it).
Until today.
While at work, I noticed something about my bruise, and texted the husband. The following is a transcript of our conversation, and offers conclusive evidence that my bruise may have had extraterrestrial causes.
Me: Just realized that bruise on my wrist looks like I had an iv and they blew my vein putting it in.
Jay: Weird! <8-O
Me: That's what I thought. Aliens?
Jay: They do that stuff.
Me: Now that I think about it, I didn't remember any dreams Saturday night....
Jay: And you were *really* tired the next day... ;)
Me: Definitely aliens. ;D
Jay: No nosebleeds though...
Me: Oh, oh! And I lost an hour!
Me: Maybe they didn't inspect my nose.
Me: God, I love you.
Jay: May not have inserted the feeding tube if they only had an hour. ;)
Me: They stick that up your nose?
Jay: :) I love you too, my sweet little abductee.
Me: This is so going to be a blog post.
Jay: That's what I hear.
Jay: Go for it. The guys in black suits might try to stop you though.
Obviously, considering the missing memories, lost time, and of course, the suspicious bruising, it had to be aliens.
Why, no, we haven't been watching too much history channel. Why do you ask?
In other, and completely unrelated news, guess what the current McDonald's Happy Meal is?
Ponies!!!
Pinkie Pie, breaking the fourth wall, even when she's on this side of it.
Yes, I went to McDonald's and bought them all. I am a sad, sad person.
But I have ponies.
3.04.2012
A Penis Is Not Required
...to use power tools. Don't worry, this isn't an anti male post. I like guys (in their proper place--the kitchen, making me sammiches).
However, this is totally an anything you can do I can do better girls can use power tools, hammers, and fix shit around the house post. So, if you're waiting for me to make you a sammich, well, don't look at me when you need help to replace a light fixture.
Anywho, this is all prompted by a trip to Lowe's this morning. And, frankly, a good number of trips to Lowe's previously. My mailbox was a little wobbly on its post, so I went out to get some screws (apparently the previous owner only felt it necessary to attach it on one side) and some nails to stabilize it, and to make it a bit harder for the garbage guy to bump loose with the arm on the automated truck (they just switched our street to those, and there's a bit of a learning curve--he'll get the hang of it). So, Lowe's is pretty darned crowded, and I have the problem of never being able to find anything in there due to their questionable "organization" (I mean, seriously, sandpaper is in paint?! Why isn't it in the abrasives section? Why don't they even have an abrasives section?). But, on this occasion, I actually know where what I seek is, at least the right aisle. So, I'm standing there, looking at the wood screws, trying to find some that are about 1/4" in diameter (the threaded portion) when an employee asks me if I need help. I wave him on, but less than two minutes later, another attacks. I decide to let him help me, mostly to keep away the other employees. I explain what I'm looking for and why and make a comment about how the "sizes" on the screw packages make no sense and what does that number even mean?
Before you criticize, the screw sizes bear as much resemblance to any actual measurement of the screw, as women's clothing sizes do to the measurements of a woman. Seriously, they have two numbers--an even one, which loosely indicates how big it is (a 2 is smaller than a 12, much like women's pants) and then the second number is obviously the length of the screw.
He explains that's how they come. I comment that it's not how they're made, and we quickly find something that will work for my purposes so I can dismiss his condescending ass. I can make my own damn screws if I have to, and, excepting very small threads where things get weird, a screw is typically labeled (on blueprints and such) with the nominal diameter (diameter before threads are cut), thread pitch, and the length. So, for example, a 1/4-12x2 is really about what I was hoping for. But I don't know, maybe wood screws follow different (and clearly insane) rules. I generally avoid doing anything with wood, as it just doesn't work right for me. (The internet tells me that what I was looking for is specific to machine screws, which would explain my confusion.)
I then move on to the other end of the aisle in search of some big ass nails. The first employee who asked me if I needed help is here, and asks me again. I'm having difficulty finding anything but the giant contractor's pack of 3 inch nails (I didn't see anything on the side with the smaller packages), so I ask him if they have any smaller packs of big ass nails. He does not comprehend the question, and starts telling me about the kinds of large nails available. I explain what I need them for and that I really only need a couple. He looks at me like I'm crazy, finds me a small pack (they were in a corner, obscured by signage), and I GTFO.
Both salesmen were very condescending, and had the attitude towards me of, "Aww, how cute! A girl is trying to fix something! Here honey, let me explain this, it's way too complicated for you to understand."
This is not the first time I've had this kind of service at Lowe's (I know, I know, stop shopping there) and I really resent it. I also resent the fact that if I go there alone, every single sales clerk within a 20 yard radius asks me if I need help, whether I look like I need it or not. If I take my husband with me, no one bothers me. It's as though someone has told them, "If you see a woman alone, she probably needs help, but if there's a man with her, he'll take care of it.") Either that, or they pass along some sort of message to each other, "Did you see that girl with the giant tits in aisle 5? Oh, you gotta check her out!" Either, way, I resent the implication and attitude that because I don't have a penis, I can't fix things or use tools. (I know some of you other ladies out there have probably experienced this as well.) Not all men are handy around the house or workshop (I cringe to see my husband use a screwdriver) and, frankly, while I'm not up on my household repair (having only had a house for less than a year, I feel justified in this), I probably know at least as much, if not more than those sexist punks at Lowe's, just in different areas. I'm pretty sure most of them can't operate a lathe or a mill, and I know they know less than I do about running or programming a CNC machine (and I'm just starting to learn that)--if they knew that they wouldn't be working at Lowe's. There's a good chance they have no idea how to silver solder or do any kind of casting or hot glass work. Just because I'm not familiar with wood screw sizes and think the system is retarded, it does not make me incompetent or stupid.
I have worked or studied in male dominated fields--when I worked at Valvoline, and now, when I'm studying to be a machinist. In both, I have been treated with the utmost courtesy and respect. Indeed, in the machine tool program at school, most of the guys respect my abilities and sometimes even ask me questions, if I've already made the part they're working on. They assume that because I'm there, I am capable of doing the work. This is the 21st century--women proved long ago that they are capable of doing work that has been traditionally male and with equal skill.
I have known and met men who are completely useless when it comes to fixing things--just because you have a penis, it doesn't mean you are mechanically inclined. Indeed, when my husband is with me and I get ignored, little do those salespeople know that I'm the handy one around the house. My husband has many skills, but using tools and fixing things is not one of them. On the other hand, I am the product of several generations of engineers. My father, grandfather, brother, cousin, and I think my great grandfather were all engineers, and on the other side, my grandfather was a tool and dye maker. If I didn't have some mechanical aptitude, I'd have to be adopted.
So take heed, arrogant hardware store employees: treat your female customers with respect, because they might know more than you do, and just can't find it in your poorly laid out store. And ladies, you take heed, too--don't think that because you're a girl you can't fix stuff around the house. As a matter of fact, a female friend and I replaced one of the light fixtures in my house a few months ago by ourselves (I did the wiring, she mostly held it up while I got it attached).
A penis is not required to use tools or fix things.
Mmm, sammiches....
Anywho, this is all prompted by a trip to Lowe's this morning. And, frankly, a good number of trips to Lowe's previously. My mailbox was a little wobbly on its post, so I went out to get some screws (apparently the previous owner only felt it necessary to attach it on one side) and some nails to stabilize it, and to make it a bit harder for the garbage guy to bump loose with the arm on the automated truck (they just switched our street to those, and there's a bit of a learning curve--he'll get the hang of it). So, Lowe's is pretty darned crowded, and I have the problem of never being able to find anything in there due to their questionable "organization" (I mean, seriously, sandpaper is in paint?! Why isn't it in the abrasives section? Why don't they even have an abrasives section?). But, on this occasion, I actually know where what I seek is, at least the right aisle. So, I'm standing there, looking at the wood screws, trying to find some that are about 1/4" in diameter (the threaded portion) when an employee asks me if I need help. I wave him on, but less than two minutes later, another attacks. I decide to let him help me, mostly to keep away the other employees. I explain what I'm looking for and why and make a comment about how the "sizes" on the screw packages make no sense and what does that number even mean?
Before you criticize, the screw sizes bear as much resemblance to any actual measurement of the screw, as women's clothing sizes do to the measurements of a woman. Seriously, they have two numbers--an even one, which loosely indicates how big it is (a 2 is smaller than a 12, much like women's pants) and then the second number is obviously the length of the screw.
He explains that's how they come. I comment that it's not how they're made, and we quickly find something that will work for my purposes so I can dismiss his condescending ass. I can make my own damn screws if I have to, and, excepting very small threads where things get weird, a screw is typically labeled (on blueprints and such) with the nominal diameter (diameter before threads are cut), thread pitch, and the length. So, for example, a 1/4-12x2 is really about what I was hoping for. But I don't know, maybe wood screws follow different (and clearly insane) rules. I generally avoid doing anything with wood, as it just doesn't work right for me. (The internet tells me that what I was looking for is specific to machine screws, which would explain my confusion.)
I then move on to the other end of the aisle in search of some big ass nails. The first employee who asked me if I needed help is here, and asks me again. I'm having difficulty finding anything but the giant contractor's pack of 3 inch nails (I didn't see anything on the side with the smaller packages), so I ask him if they have any smaller packs of big ass nails. He does not comprehend the question, and starts telling me about the kinds of large nails available. I explain what I need them for and that I really only need a couple. He looks at me like I'm crazy, finds me a small pack (they were in a corner, obscured by signage), and I GTFO.
Both salesmen were very condescending, and had the attitude towards me of, "Aww, how cute! A girl is trying to fix something! Here honey, let me explain this, it's way too complicated for you to understand."
"I just don't know what went wrong!"
This is not the first time I've had this kind of service at Lowe's (I know, I know, stop shopping there) and I really resent it. I also resent the fact that if I go there alone, every single sales clerk within a 20 yard radius asks me if I need help, whether I look like I need it or not. If I take my husband with me, no one bothers me. It's as though someone has told them, "If you see a woman alone, she probably needs help, but if there's a man with her, he'll take care of it.") Either that, or they pass along some sort of message to each other, "Did you see that girl with the giant tits in aisle 5? Oh, you gotta check her out!" Either, way, I resent the implication and attitude that because I don't have a penis, I can't fix things or use tools. (I know some of you other ladies out there have probably experienced this as well.) Not all men are handy around the house or workshop (I cringe to see my husband use a screwdriver) and, frankly, while I'm not up on my household repair (having only had a house for less than a year, I feel justified in this), I probably know at least as much, if not more than those sexist punks at Lowe's, just in different areas. I'm pretty sure most of them can't operate a lathe or a mill, and I know they know less than I do about running or programming a CNC machine (and I'm just starting to learn that)--if they knew that they wouldn't be working at Lowe's. There's a good chance they have no idea how to silver solder or do any kind of casting or hot glass work. Just because I'm not familiar with wood screw sizes and think the system is retarded, it does not make me incompetent or stupid.
I have worked or studied in male dominated fields--when I worked at Valvoline, and now, when I'm studying to be a machinist. In both, I have been treated with the utmost courtesy and respect. Indeed, in the machine tool program at school, most of the guys respect my abilities and sometimes even ask me questions, if I've already made the part they're working on. They assume that because I'm there, I am capable of doing the work. This is the 21st century--women proved long ago that they are capable of doing work that has been traditionally male and with equal skill.
Remember her?
So take heed, arrogant hardware store employees: treat your female customers with respect, because they might know more than you do, and just can't find it in your poorly laid out store. And ladies, you take heed, too--don't think that because you're a girl you can't fix stuff around the house. As a matter of fact, a female friend and I replaced one of the light fixtures in my house a few months ago by ourselves (I did the wiring, she mostly held it up while I got it attached).
A penis is not required to use tools or fix things.
2.12.2012
Want To Buy a Subscription?
So, I have issues. We've even discussed some of them here. I usually try to avoid going into too much detail because I don't want to be a downer. But even my life isn't all ponies and dreams, and I have a confession to make.
I'm not a people person.
No, really, stop laughing. Some of you already know this, but some of you are slightly misinformed. I'm not a gregarious extrovert who loves talking to people and hanging out. I'm actually an introvert who enjoys holing up and would go weeks without seeing anyone if I didn't know how terrifyingly unhealthy it was. I know for some this can be difficult to believe; I actually had to correct a classmate just the other day on this. Years of working in customer service and a general desire to please have left me with a great impression of being a people person--sometimes I don't know where the act ends and I begin. None of my friends from North Carolina will believe this, because that veneer got completely destroyed while I was down there. But if I come across as cheery and outgoing, it is because of a whole lot of work going on underneath (well, the outgoing part, anyway. I am naturally cheerful). I mean, I may come across as Pinkie Pie, but I'm really more like Fluttershy, socially speaking.
Now don't get me wrong, I do like meeting new people, and I enjoy spending time with my friends. But I can't do it constantly, and social interactions tend to be a lot of work for me. As my fellow introverts can tell you, some people are more work than others to be around, even if you really like them. Currently, I have a great bunch of friends, the vast majority of which are pretty easy to be around. And I do need to spend time around them, for my own sanity--if I learned anything from my ordeal in North Carolina, it was the importance of friends. But I do have trouble with dealing with large groups, even if it's people who I truly treasure. One or two people--pretty easy. But once you start getting to about half a dozen or so, I start to get a little bit lost. And anyone who's ever been to a convention or a crowded store with me knows I can barely handle crowds of people. Sometimes I wonder if it's some sort of mild latent psychic ability that makes crowds so tough for me. But combine my introverted nature with a measure of social anxiety, and dealing with a bunch of people--even people I know well--can be a nerve wracking experience.
Now, I'm not saying I don't want people around at all. Quite the contrary. I like to have my friends over and I really enjoy seeing people I don't get to see often. I also know how much my husband enjoys entertaining, and I know how much fun people have when they come over. I want people to come over and have fun. But there are days I can't deal with people. It happens. So, if you wind up at our place some night and I'm moody and evasive, well, that's what's going on. It's probably best to avoid me in turn, because I get snappy, and may lash out irrationally.
I'm not a people person.
No, really, stop laughing. Some of you already know this, but some of you are slightly misinformed. I'm not a gregarious extrovert who loves talking to people and hanging out. I'm actually an introvert who enjoys holing up and would go weeks without seeing anyone if I didn't know how terrifyingly unhealthy it was. I know for some this can be difficult to believe; I actually had to correct a classmate just the other day on this. Years of working in customer service and a general desire to please have left me with a great impression of being a people person--sometimes I don't know where the act ends and I begin. None of my friends from North Carolina will believe this, because that veneer got completely destroyed while I was down there. But if I come across as cheery and outgoing, it is because of a whole lot of work going on underneath (well, the outgoing part, anyway. I am naturally cheerful). I mean, I may come across as Pinkie Pie, but I'm really more like Fluttershy, socially speaking.
And sometimes, this is exactly how I'm reacting in my head.
Now don't get me wrong, I do like meeting new people, and I enjoy spending time with my friends. But I can't do it constantly, and social interactions tend to be a lot of work for me. As my fellow introverts can tell you, some people are more work than others to be around, even if you really like them. Currently, I have a great bunch of friends, the vast majority of which are pretty easy to be around. And I do need to spend time around them, for my own sanity--if I learned anything from my ordeal in North Carolina, it was the importance of friends. But I do have trouble with dealing with large groups, even if it's people who I truly treasure. One or two people--pretty easy. But once you start getting to about half a dozen or so, I start to get a little bit lost. And anyone who's ever been to a convention or a crowded store with me knows I can barely handle crowds of people. Sometimes I wonder if it's some sort of mild latent psychic ability that makes crowds so tough for me. But combine my introverted nature with a measure of social anxiety, and dealing with a bunch of people--even people I know well--can be a nerve wracking experience.
Now, I'm not saying I don't want people around at all. Quite the contrary. I like to have my friends over and I really enjoy seeing people I don't get to see often. I also know how much my husband enjoys entertaining, and I know how much fun people have when they come over. I want people to come over and have fun. But there are days I can't deal with people. It happens. So, if you wind up at our place some night and I'm moody and evasive, well, that's what's going on. It's probably best to avoid me in turn, because I get snappy, and may lash out irrationally.
Even the quiet ones break sometimes.
I don't like lashing out irrationally, and while I may give off the occasional appearance of apathy and actually enjoying the suffering of others, I don't. I really don't enjoy hurting other people. It breaks something inside me. So, if you encounter me in that mood, feel free to avoid me back and protect us both.
I'd like to leave you with a closing link, and I encourage those of you who aren't introverts (and even those who are) to read it. It does an excellent job of explaining what's really going on with an introvert, and should give you a better idea of what's going on so I don't freak you out.
On an almost completely unrelated note, don't do a google image search for "pinkie pie and fluttershy." Rule 34 is a terrible thing sometimes.
2.07.2012
Studio Updates
It's been a while since I did any artsy fartsy posts, so I figured we were due for another episode of "What's going on in the studio?"
Long story short, not as much as there probably should, and a lot of experiments and sampling. But I do have photos, and there has been work in all three of the mediums I've been puttering in lately--my two focus areas, jewelry and textiles, and my hobby art, painting. I've been held up a bit in the metals and painting, since they're in the downstairs studio with no heat and it's been pretty chilly (and a space heater only does so much when you have to have the door open for ventilation).
But here's what's been going on....
Metals
There's not been a lot of work in this area, mostly because I've still been recovering from North Carolina. But I'm starting to work past it and am about ready to make something serious. Our first piece of the day is a copper and silver flower. I had initially formed the petals and leaves in grad school and they got set aside. There's some dings in those pieces that I wasn't able to get out (you can't see them here), but all things considered, I'm fairly pleased with it as a getting back into the habit piece.
Another thing that I'd kind of been playing with (or wanting to play with) that I got started in grad school was woven metal and liquid enameling. See, in order to weave with sheet, you have to use pretty thin gauge metal. It's hard to enamel because if you get the enamel too thick, everything cracks and warps. Liquid enamels are ideal for this sort of thing because you can pretty much just dip stuff in it, let it dry, and then fire it. The only down side is I don't have a kiln, so I have to torch fire everything. Acetylene is a pretty dirty gas, so I can only fire one side--cool 3D stuff isn't really doable right now. I whipped up a few small batches of liquid enamel and knocked together a few quick sample pieces.
I mixed the white with way too much water, so it came out pretty wonky. I think I may have over fired the red a touch, but I'm pretty pleased with them--I'm looking forward to playing with it some more. I have no opinion on the blue.
Finally, I have a paper mock up for a pair of candle holders I'm planning. I read in article in Lapidary Journal about slot in slot construction, and the idea just sounded so cool. But, being me, I didn't want to do the project in the magazine, so I started doodling. I wound up with two shapes I liked and decided to combine them--the actual piece will have two slot in slot sub assemblies soldered together. I'll probably add in a ring in the top piece for support and to better hold the candle, possibly to catch dripping wax. The plan is currently to do a pair in copper, see how they look, then do a pair in silver. Supposedly we're going to be able to cut some stuff out on a waterjet machine in one of my classes this semester--I'm seriously thinking about using it to cut out a bunch of these pieces in copper--I'll have 'em for my candle holders, and maybe I can do something else with the shapes, too.
Painting
I finally figured out what needed to be on that horrifyingly awkward 2'x2' panel. It's based off a photo I took in undergrad of my parents magnolia tree. I started to turn the buds into flowers, but then I realized it was done and wiped them off.
Still in progress is the first painting in the Lovecraft series I'm planning. Pretty much all that's left is to flesh out the sky a bit--it's still pretty flat.
Textiles
What with cold weather and a colder studio, I've been doing a lot more inside work. I've learned how to use a knitting loom (sorry, no pics of the results), and I've been working on my weaving. I finally decided to cut my losses on the jewelry scale weaving--that skinny ass silk was killing me. I wove enough for a choker and decided to scrap the rest.
I've dyed it, but it still needs to have the ends properly finished. I'm honestly not sure if I'll use it for a choker or not--the one selvedge is pretty rough.
Here's a detail, showing the structure better and showing the color a bit better. I rolled it up and tossed it in a light turquoise dye bath, then rinsed it, unrolled it, and tossed it in some purple. All in all, it could have gone much better, but I learned a lot.
Continuing with the debatable success (we'll save the good stuff for last and end on an up note), I decided to renew my exploratory efforts in the area of sprang. Sprang, for those of you who don't know, is a very old textile technique in which you string up a warp, then intertwine the threads. There is no warp, and the whole thing is one piece of yarn. It looks kind of like this when you're working it:
So, I've also been dabbling in yoga, and I thought to myself, I could make a sprang yoga mat bag! So, I did a little bit of measuring and a bit of eyeballing, and strung up a warp. And then I screwed it up. Badly. The yarn was cheap, so I said, what the heck, it'll be easier to just start over. So I did. I strung up another warp, and starting twisting threads again. That is what you above. It looks like is should have about the right dimensions for a yoga mat bag, right? Fold it half, stitch the sides together...
...and it had the totally wrong dimensions to put a yoga mat in it. I'm not really sure what happened. I probably should have made my warp narrower (the width of it is wrapping around my waist there), and should have allowed more room for takeup--length lost to twisting (the length of the finished "bag" is the length of the skirt). That said, something happened here that is is beyond my comprehension, and I clearly do not have as good a grasp on how sprang works as I thought I did. I'm really not sure what I'm going to do with the result here. It does make a kind of cute skirt. Either way, it's sitting folded on the table in the studio until I decide.
Our final project for the day is the sample/test weaving for a scarf that I'm planning.
Initially I had hoped to have the blocks separated by leno (a hand manipulated woven lace), but it simply would work and still look good. These little mug rugs or whatever (if I ever finish off the slightly too short fringe on the bottom of them) are half size, with each block of color at 2 square inches. I also used what I had on hand for the sampling. The final scarf with be red and black with four inch squares. It also won't have that awkward bit up the middle--that was for the leno that didn't work out. I'm really looking forward to it. For those inquiring minds who want to know--the structure is what I'm affectionately referring to as double huck. In order to get the alternating blocks of color, I have to do double weave--I'm basically weaving two layers of fabric at the same time and just switching them back and forth. I love lace weaves and have wanted to do a patterned double weave since I first learned the basic structure. I also have an eight harness loom that I hadn't used all eight harnesses on yet. Huck is one of your more popular loom controlled lace weaves, and one I'd been wanting to do more with. You can actually start to see the effect of it in the sample on the right. It's a bear to set up the loom for, though, and the treadling is pretty nightmarish.
So, yeah, that's mostly been what's going on in the studio. There's been some other small projects here and there (like a big ass key fob for the hubby's shop. The key to the bathroom storage closet has not been lost since), but I honestly don't remember most of them. I make shit. It's what I do.
Next time: Serious post is serious!
Long story short, not as much as there probably should, and a lot of experiments and sampling. But I do have photos, and there has been work in all three of the mediums I've been puttering in lately--my two focus areas, jewelry and textiles, and my hobby art, painting. I've been held up a bit in the metals and painting, since they're in the downstairs studio with no heat and it's been pretty chilly (and a space heater only does so much when you have to have the door open for ventilation).
But here's what's been going on....
Metals
There's not been a lot of work in this area, mostly because I've still been recovering from North Carolina. But I'm starting to work past it and am about ready to make something serious. Our first piece of the day is a copper and silver flower. I had initially formed the petals and leaves in grad school and they got set aside. There's some dings in those pieces that I wasn't able to get out (you can't see them here), but all things considered, I'm fairly pleased with it as a getting back into the habit piece.
Yay! Flowers!
Another thing that I'd kind of been playing with (or wanting to play with) that I got started in grad school was woven metal and liquid enameling. See, in order to weave with sheet, you have to use pretty thin gauge metal. It's hard to enamel because if you get the enamel too thick, everything cracks and warps. Liquid enamels are ideal for this sort of thing because you can pretty much just dip stuff in it, let it dry, and then fire it. The only down side is I don't have a kiln, so I have to torch fire everything. Acetylene is a pretty dirty gas, so I can only fire one side--cool 3D stuff isn't really doable right now. I whipped up a few small batches of liquid enamel and knocked together a few quick sample pieces.
The top one is my favorite.
I mixed the white with way too much water, so it came out pretty wonky. I think I may have over fired the red a touch, but I'm pretty pleased with them--I'm looking forward to playing with it some more. I have no opinion on the blue.
Finally, I have a paper mock up for a pair of candle holders I'm planning. I read in article in Lapidary Journal about slot in slot construction, and the idea just sounded so cool. But, being me, I didn't want to do the project in the magazine, so I started doodling. I wound up with two shapes I liked and decided to combine them--the actual piece will have two slot in slot sub assemblies soldered together. I'll probably add in a ring in the top piece for support and to better hold the candle, possibly to catch dripping wax. The plan is currently to do a pair in copper, see how they look, then do a pair in silver. Supposedly we're going to be able to cut some stuff out on a waterjet machine in one of my classes this semester--I'm seriously thinking about using it to cut out a bunch of these pieces in copper--I'll have 'em for my candle holders, and maybe I can do something else with the shapes, too.
Painting
I finally figured out what needed to be on that horrifyingly awkward 2'x2' panel. It's based off a photo I took in undergrad of my parents magnolia tree. I started to turn the buds into flowers, but then I realized it was done and wiped them off.
I'd never consider myself a painter, but it's so relaxing.
"The Mountains of Madness"
And, for anyone wondering about my color choices, I'm using as my inspiration the last view that our heroes beheld as they flew away from that ruined city--the purple mountains beyond it. My whole idea here is one of eldritch beauty--illustrating those rare moments of beauty in Lovecraft's work. I figure, my drawing skills are lacking and anyone can pull the horror out of the stories. This way, I can use my strength--large blocks of color--and still do something kinda cool.
What with cold weather and a colder studio, I've been doing a lot more inside work. I've learned how to use a knitting loom (sorry, no pics of the results), and I've been working on my weaving. I finally decided to cut my losses on the jewelry scale weaving--that skinny ass silk was killing me. I wove enough for a choker and decided to scrap the rest.
I've dyed it, but it still needs to have the ends properly finished. I'm honestly not sure if I'll use it for a choker or not--the one selvedge is pretty rough.
Here's a detail, showing the structure better and showing the color a bit better. I rolled it up and tossed it in a light turquoise dye bath, then rinsed it, unrolled it, and tossed it in some purple. All in all, it could have gone much better, but I learned a lot.
Continuing with the debatable success (we'll save the good stuff for last and end on an up note), I decided to renew my exploratory efforts in the area of sprang. Sprang, for those of you who don't know, is a very old textile technique in which you string up a warp, then intertwine the threads. There is no warp, and the whole thing is one piece of yarn. It looks kind of like this when you're working it:
Why, yes, this is the sprang piece I'm about to tell you all about! Why do you ask?
So, I've also been dabbling in yoga, and I thought to myself, I could make a sprang yoga mat bag! So, I did a little bit of measuring and a bit of eyeballing, and strung up a warp. And then I screwed it up. Badly. The yarn was cheap, so I said, what the heck, it'll be easier to just start over. So I did. I strung up another warp, and starting twisting threads again. That is what you above. It looks like is should have about the right dimensions for a yoga mat bag, right? Fold it half, stitch the sides together...
I'm slightly disturbed by how well it went with my Pokemon t-shirt.
...and it had the totally wrong dimensions to put a yoga mat in it. I'm not really sure what happened. I probably should have made my warp narrower (the width of it is wrapping around my waist there), and should have allowed more room for takeup--length lost to twisting (the length of the finished "bag" is the length of the skirt). That said, something happened here that is is beyond my comprehension, and I clearly do not have as good a grasp on how sprang works as I thought I did. I'm really not sure what I'm going to do with the result here. It does make a kind of cute skirt. Either way, it's sitting folded on the table in the studio until I decide.
Our final project for the day is the sample/test weaving for a scarf that I'm planning.
Initially I had hoped to have the blocks separated by leno (a hand manipulated woven lace), but it simply would work and still look good. These little mug rugs or whatever (if I ever finish off the slightly too short fringe on the bottom of them) are half size, with each block of color at 2 square inches. I also used what I had on hand for the sampling. The final scarf with be red and black with four inch squares. It also won't have that awkward bit up the middle--that was for the leno that didn't work out. I'm really looking forward to it. For those inquiring minds who want to know--the structure is what I'm affectionately referring to as double huck. In order to get the alternating blocks of color, I have to do double weave--I'm basically weaving two layers of fabric at the same time and just switching them back and forth. I love lace weaves and have wanted to do a patterned double weave since I first learned the basic structure. I also have an eight harness loom that I hadn't used all eight harnesses on yet. Huck is one of your more popular loom controlled lace weaves, and one I'd been wanting to do more with. You can actually start to see the effect of it in the sample on the right. It's a bear to set up the loom for, though, and the treadling is pretty nightmarish.
So, yeah, that's mostly been what's going on in the studio. There's been some other small projects here and there (like a big ass key fob for the hubby's shop. The key to the bathroom storage closet has not been lost since), but I honestly don't remember most of them. I make shit. It's what I do.
Next time: Serious post is serious!
1.14.2012
Thank God It's Finally Over
So, I think I've mentioned I may have an addiction to campy TV shows. I especially love anything that deals with the whole secret identity/super powers issue. There are, in fact, two comic book heroes who make for some of the most entertaining stories. Unfortunately, my favorite, Spiderman, doesn't get nearly as much screen time as the other, Superman. Luckily, Superman is one of the best DC characters, and usually they give him a good amount of drama (except in Superman Returns, where he was an alien asshole). He's also had two live action TV shows in my lifetime (oh, networks, why can't we have a prime time Spidey?). Okay, yes, Lois and Clark was total camp, but for me, it will always be the quintessential Superman. Sure, there was that whole storyline with the frog eating clone, but that show will always have a special place in my heart.
Probably not real frogs.
But then came along Smallville. A retelling of Superman, starting when he's a teenager and still developing his powers. A version of the story like it was told by Marvel instead of DC. An almost Spiderman-esque version of Superman.
I had no chance.
Now, Smallville started off great. Solid storylines, a nice balance of funny bits and drama, a great new character/possible love interest, and, of course, a hot young guy to play Clark Kent. It really had a lot to offer, and even at the end, there were still some good points.
He's no Dean Cain, but not bad, not bad.
But somewhere along the line, something happened. I'm not really sure when it was, or what, but eventually I just started hating the show. I like to think it happened about the time they brought in Krypto, which would put it around season 4. But the worst part of it was this: I couldn't stop watching. This wasn't like Heroes, where I watched faithfully until some point in season 3 when I couldn't watch another episode, or even the old ones, ever again. No, the dread abomination that was Smallville sucked you in, and then forced you to watch it, whether you wanted to or not. And I am not alone in this--I have talked with other fans who just couldn't stop watching. Imagine a legion of fans, just praying that they would finally stop renewing their series so they wouldn't have to keep watching it. And again, I'm not really sure exactly what it was that made it so painful--I have watched and enjoyed shows with lower production values, worse acting, and larger plot holes. But for you, my darling invisible cats, I will attempt to cover some of my suspects.
1) Clark is an idiot. No really, for someone who's supposed to save the world, for an alien who's supposed to be so much smarter than the rest of us, Clark is just plain stupid. Yes, he's pretty, yes, he does the right thing and saves people, but he is a moron. I mean, for several seasons he's friends with Lex Luthor, who is morally gray at best. It's a miracle nobody finds out about his powers, what with all the suspicious fires and bizarre happenings out at the Kent farm.
2) The Red Blue Blur. At one point, later in the show, this is what they start referring to the mysterious hero (i.e. Superman) as. Clark even gets a special red jacket to wear with his jeans while on patrol. It gets shortened to The Blur, but seriously? The Red Blue Blur? That is the lamest hero name ever.
3) The introduction of Lois Lane and the Daily Planet into a show about the teenage years of Superman. I realize it's difficult to do the Superman story without Lois and the Planet, but let's face it--this is really the story of Superboy, not Superman. Superboy dates Lana Lang and has zany adventures in school.
Although, I have to admit, I might even like their Lois better than Teri Hatcher.
4) The whole no flight thing. Okay, now the creators did explicitly state that they weren't going to let him fly or wear the cape/suit. Ever. So at least we were warned. But when you tease it with him flying while he's evil, and you show all the other Kryptonians flying, that's just mean. I know he's a teenager, I know there should be angst, but I'm not keen on Supes having a psychological block that keeps him from flying. This could have been handled so much better.
5) The 18 billion kinds of Kryptonite. Now, I'm not saying it doesn't make sense. I mean, planet explodes, bits of it go flying off, of course it's not always going to be the same mineral. But we have green, red, blue, black, and gold (and that's just what I can remember), and each one does something different, and usually not good. I know every good hero has a weakness, but isn't green kryptonite and some dippy girl enough? The whole point of Superman is that he's an ideal, that he's virtually unstoppable. You have to be really creative to defeat Superman. Extra flavors of Kryptonite is just cheating.
6) Excessive Christ symbolism. Now, I understand the whole Superman/Jesus comparison. It is there in the story, but let's face it, is it really necessary to shove it on our faces every season? To compare this incarnation of Clark Kent to Jesus is just kind of insulting. Jesus is way smarter, and he wouldn't have put up with Lana's crap for nearly as long.
This episode is titled "Salvation." I can't make this shit up.
7) Lana Lang. Lana is the biggest deal breaker for me. I spent almost the entire series hoping and waiting for her to die. Now, the character I don't have a problem with--she's canon. She's Superman's teen girl. But dear God, this girl is a psychopath. And Clark has an excellent alternative in created-for-the-series Chole, who is smart, understanding, and also madly in love with him, at least until she realizes that he doesn't really even see she's a girl.
Lana starts out okay, but gradually becomes an evil bitch. And, admittedly, my utter hatred of her may be obscuring my early memory of her. All I know is that when she went away to Paris at the end of season 3, I rejoiced, hoping she would be no more.
No such luck.
Eight seasons we had to put up with her. EIGHT.
No, she just comes back all possessed by this chick who's trying to find some Kryptonian relics. She gets all mixed up in the interesting bits of the storyline, provides Clark with way too much relationship bullshit, and then breaks up with him and marries Lex Luthor.
Yes, she marries Lex. Then fakes her death and tries to pin it on him. And when I say fakes her death, I mean you get a season finale cliffhanger where she dies, again, giving you hope that she's finally gone. And this is six seasons into it. I wanted her to die so many times, in my head she died like every other episode. When I was looking up to see when she finally left for good, I realized she lasted three seasons longer than I thought. In my head, she was gone after season 5.
But noooo, she had to come back again and start some sort of ultra creepy high tech stalking/counseling business. And then, she leaves AGAIN at the end of season 7, only to be brought back AGAIN in 8. I looked it up, and I don't even remember the whole bit with the kryptonite suit.
All of the worst bits of the show involved her. and she wouldn't flippin' die! I can't even look at the actress anymore. I hate the actress because of the character, even though I'm sure Kristin Kruek is actually a very nice person.
But the thing is, in spite of everything (Lana), I kept watching the show. The hypnotic hold it had over me was strong enough to overcome the desire to break the TV every time Lana showed back up or didn't die. And, starting around season 7 (I'm guessing here), they kept teasing about whether or not the show would be renewed. I'd be slightly annoyed, because every season ends in a cliffhanger, but also relieved that I wouldn't have to keep watching. And it just kept going and going.
Until season 10. Finally, it would be over. For real. I acquired my copy with a mix of disgust and relief, and worked through it as quickly as possible to end the agony. Fortunately, things had started to swing back up around season nine, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. They started putting everything where it was supposed to be, although I question if the Clark Kent secret identity really took hold that quick--I'm pretty sure there were lots of glasses free photos and at least a few sharp coworkers who noticed, hey, that superman guy looks a lot like Clark Kent. But hey, they put things right with Lois, and it's over. Finally. I will not be compelled to watch it anymore. Thank God.
This week's episode brought to you by the flu, so if anything seems more incoherent than usual, it's probably the plague talking.
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