The Question

So, there is a phrase that I would like to see banned from casual use in America.  It is perpetually used as a greeting, and no one actually wants a true answer to it.  It gets asked in all sorts of awkward situations where the real answer is probably negative, but social convention demands that we answer in the positive.  The question?

How are you?

The "right" answer is, "fine."  But let's face it, are you really always fine?  No, of course not.  That would involve some sort of horrid psychological disorder where you couldn't feel certain emotions.  No one is happy all the time, no one's life is going great all the time.  If you think yours is, you're lying to yourself.  But if you're having a shitty day, you have to answer, "Oh, I'm fine, thanks," because the stranger who just asked you doesn't really care how your day is going.  Indeed, they especially don't want to know if things are going badly.

Now, you might be wondering, wow, how does she really feel?  Or, but Linda always asks me how I'm doing.  And I do.  If I care.  See, if I ask someone how they are, I genuinely want to know, because I care about them.  If I don't care, I don't ask. 

Seriously, watch me when I wait on a customer or am waited on.  I don't ever greet people I don't know with, "Hi, how are you?"  I don't want to know.  I especially don't do this to clerks when I'm out shopping because I figure, they're at work.  Their day has already taken a turn for the worse, especially if they work some place soul sucking, like Walmart.

That's actually where my hatred of the Question began.  See, once upon a time I enjoyed a stint as a Walmart cashier.  It was the shittiest job I have ever had, and that includes three years of drive thru.  By the time I quit, I was answering the Question truthfully, with, "Not good," and "I work here."

 "I'm not even supposed to be here today!"

After recovering from Walhell, I was better able to fake it, but I still avoid the question from strangers when I can, or at least try to put a less negative spin on it.

For example, yesterday I went to the doctor.  I have a sinus infection.  I was all congested and dizzy, so I was kinda staggering back and forth a little.  I'm choking on all the drainage going down my throat (and still am, actually).  The nurse asks me the Question.  "I've been better," I respond.  What I'm thinking though, is, "I'm at the fucking doctor's office, and it's not a routine visit, how the fuck do you think I am?"

 

And ya know, the Question is always more annoying when you've had a crappy day, because you're expected to repress that and pretend like everything is fabulous.


 
So I give you a challenge this day:  Don't ask if you don't really want to know.  And when people ask you, be honest.

This actually happened to a childhood friend.  It might have been an accident.