Thank God It's Finally Over

So, I think I've mentioned I may have an addiction to campy TV shows.  I especially love anything that deals with the whole secret identity/super powers issue.  There are, in fact, two comic book heroes who make for some of the most entertaining stories.  Unfortunately, my favorite, Spiderman, doesn't get nearly as much screen time as the other, Superman.  Luckily, Superman is one of the best DC characters, and usually they give him a good amount of drama (except in Superman Returns, where he was an alien asshole).  He's also had two live action TV shows in my lifetime (oh, networks, why can't we have a prime time Spidey?).  Okay, yes, Lois  and Clark was total camp, but for me, it will always be the quintessential Superman.  Sure, there was that whole storyline with the frog eating clone, but that show will always have a special place in my heart.

Probably not real frogs.

But then came along Smallville.  A retelling of Superman, starting when he's a teenager and still developing his powers.  A version of the story like it was told by Marvel instead of DC.  An almost Spiderman-esque version of Superman.

I had no chance.

Now, Smallville started off great.  Solid storylines, a nice balance of funny bits and drama, a great new character/possible love interest, and, of course, a hot young guy to play Clark Kent.  It really had a lot to offer, and even at the end, there were still some good points.

 He's no Dean Cain, but not bad, not bad.

But somewhere along the line, something happened.  I'm not really sure when it was, or what, but eventually I just started hating the show.  I like to think it happened about the time they brought in Krypto, which would put it around season 4.  But the worst part of it was this:  I couldn't stop watching.  This wasn't like Heroes, where I watched faithfully until some point in season 3 when I couldn't watch another episode, or even the old ones, ever again.  No, the dread abomination that was Smallville sucked you in, and then forced you to watch it, whether you wanted to or not.  And I am not alone in this--I have talked with other fans who just couldn't stop watching.  Imagine a legion of fans, just praying that they would finally stop renewing their series so they wouldn't have to keep watching it.  And again, I'm not really sure exactly what it was that made it so painful--I have watched and enjoyed shows with lower production values, worse acting, and larger plot holes.  But for you, my darling invisible cats, I will attempt to cover some of my suspects.

1) Clark is an idiot.  No really, for someone who's supposed to save the world, for an alien who's supposed to be so much smarter than the rest of us, Clark is just plain stupid.  Yes, he's pretty, yes, he does the right thing and saves people, but he is a moron.  I mean, for several seasons he's friends with Lex Luthor, who is morally gray at best.  It's a miracle nobody finds out about his powers, what with all the suspicious fires and bizarre happenings out at the Kent farm.

2) The Red Blue Blur.  At one point, later in the show, this is what they start referring to the mysterious hero (i.e. Superman) as.  Clark even gets a special red jacket to wear with his jeans while on patrol.  It gets shortened to The Blur, but seriously?  The Red Blue Blur?  That is the lamest hero name ever.

3) The introduction of Lois Lane and the Daily Planet into a show about the teenage years of Superman.  I realize it's difficult to do the Superman story without Lois and the Planet, but let's face it--this is really the story of Superboy, not Superman.  Superboy dates Lana Lang and has zany adventures in school.

 

Although, I have to admit, I might even like their Lois better than Teri Hatcher.

4) The whole no flight thing.  Okay, now the creators did explicitly state that they weren't going to let him fly or wear the cape/suit.  Ever.  So at least we were warned.  But when you tease it with him flying while he's evil, and you show all the other Kryptonians  flying, that's just mean.  I know he's a teenager, I know there should be angst, but I'm not keen on Supes having a psychological block that keeps him from flying.  This could have been handled so much better.

5) The 18 billion kinds of Kryptonite.  Now, I'm not saying it doesn't make sense.  I mean, planet explodes, bits of it go flying off, of course it's not always going to be the same mineral.  But we have green, red, blue, black, and gold (and that's just what I can remember), and each one does something different, and usually not good.  I know every good hero has a weakness, but isn't green kryptonite and some dippy girl enough?  The whole point of Superman is that he's an ideal, that he's virtually unstoppable.  You have to be really creative to defeat Superman.  Extra flavors of Kryptonite is just cheating.

6) Excessive Christ symbolism.  Now, I understand the whole Superman/Jesus comparison.  It is there in the story, but let's face it, is it really necessary to shove it on our faces every season?  To compare this incarnation of Clark Kent to Jesus is just kind of insulting.  Jesus is way smarter, and he wouldn't have put up with Lana's crap for nearly as long.

 This episode is titled "Salvation."  I can't make this shit up.

7) Lana Lang.  Lana is the biggest deal breaker for me.  I spent almost the entire series hoping and waiting for her to die.  Now, the character I don't have a problem with--she's canon.  She's Superman's teen girl.  But dear God, this girl is a psychopath.  And Clark has an excellent alternative in created-for-the-series Chole, who is smart, understanding, and also madly in love with him, at least until she realizes that he doesn't really even see she's a girl.  

Lana starts out okay, but gradually becomes an evil bitch.  And, admittedly, my utter hatred of her may be obscuring my early memory of her.  All I know is that when she went away to Paris at the end of season 3, I rejoiced, hoping she would be no more.  

No such luck.

Eight seasons we had to put up with her.  EIGHT.

No, she just comes back all possessed by this chick who's trying to find some Kryptonian relics.  She gets all mixed up in the interesting bits of the storyline, provides Clark with way too much relationship bullshit, and then breaks up with him and marries Lex Luthor.

Yes, she marries Lex.  Then fakes her death and tries to pin it on him.  And when I say fakes her death, I mean you get a season finale cliffhanger where she dies, again, giving you hope that she's finally gone.  And this is six seasons into it.  I wanted her to die so many times, in my head she died like every other episode.  When I was looking up to see when she finally left for good, I realized she lasted three seasons longer than I thought.  In my head, she was gone after season 5.

But noooo, she had to come back again and start some sort of ultra creepy high tech stalking/counseling business.  And then, she leaves AGAIN at the end of season 7, only to be brought back AGAIN in 8.  I looked it up, and I don't even remember the whole bit with the kryptonite suit.

All of the worst bits of the show involved her. and she wouldn't flippin' die!  I can't even look at the actress anymore.  I hate the actress because of the character, even though I'm sure Kristin Kruek is actually a very nice person.

But the thing is, in spite of everything (Lana), I kept watching the show.  The hypnotic hold it had over me was strong enough to overcome the desire to break the TV every time Lana showed back up or didn't die.  And, starting around season 7 (I'm guessing here), they kept teasing about whether or not the show would be renewed.  I'd be slightly annoyed, because every season ends in a cliffhanger, but also relieved that I wouldn't have to keep watching.  And it just kept going and going.

Until season 10.  Finally, it would be over.  For real.  I acquired my copy with a mix of disgust and relief, and worked through it as quickly as possible to end the agony.  Fortunately, things had started to swing back up around season nine, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been.  They started putting everything where it was supposed to be, although I question if the Clark Kent secret identity really took hold that quick--I'm pretty sure there were lots of glasses free photos and at least a few sharp coworkers who noticed, hey, that superman guy looks a lot like Clark Kent.  But hey, they put things right with Lois, and it's over.  Finally.  I will not be compelled to watch it anymore.  Thank God.

This week's episode brought to you by the flu, so if anything seems more incoherent than usual, it's probably the plague talking. 

The Monster In the Shower

Okay, so when I was a kid, I was terrified of the monster in the closet.  It was to the point where the closet door absolutely had to be completely shut before I could sleep.  If it was open just a teensy crack, the monster could come out and get me.  And, of course, he had his fiendish accomplice, the monster under the bed, too.  Just a toe out from under the blanket and BAM! He'd get you.  The blankets, of course, were the key shield against the monsters.  As long as you were on top of the bed and under the covers they couldn't get you.  A night light was also an effective defense, but, of course, parents will only let you have that one for so long.  I mostly grew of out it after a while.

Mostly.

Yeah, it's confession time again.  I'm still afraid of the monster in the closet.  This has been a recurring thing.  In our apartment in North Carolina we had this huge closet, and the doors were left open to make room for the laundry hamper and such.  Some nights, it was a closet.  Others, it was a ghastly gateway to the abyss of DOOM!  The closet in our last apartment held some terror, but I honestly tend to forget we lived there at all, so it really wasn't as bad.  Now, of course, we have our amazing house, with a spacious walk in closet and a large master bathroom, right on my side of the bed.  The closet is pretty abyss like, but it's father from the bed.  The bathroom, on the other hand, is just a few feet away from my head.  At night, it is a yawning black maw, with no hint of light.  Anything could be in there.  It could be a portal to another dimension.  Any dimension.  Well, except for Narnia, that's under the stairs.  The bathroom is ten times scarier than the closet, and not just because I'm a lousy housekeeper.

Now might be a good time to point out that I often have to get up in the night to use the bathroom. 

So, being the practical adult that I am, I fixed the problem.  I bought a nightlight.  Plugged it into the outlet in the bathroom, and there's a comforting warm glow to keep the monsters at bay.  It also makes it slightly harder to step on the cat.

Don't let her fool you, she'll trip you in an instant.

But, somehow, I still didn't feel safe.  There was something lurking in the bathroom, just waiting for me to turn my back.  I'd get up, do my business, and then it would lurk behind me while I washed my hands--it had no reflection of course, so I couldn't see it in the mirror.  I'd get thoroughly freaked out, then leap into bed, occasionally messing up the landing and squashing the husband (he's really a good sport).

Now, the husband really enjoys the ghost hunters type stuff, and I've wound up watching the show with him.  Now, they have explained in the show that one thing that often causes people to feel like they're being watched is a high EMF, or electromagnetic field.  This is typically caused by poorly shielded wiring, and even a low reading one can cause someone really sensitive trouble.  At worst, these things can actually make you physically ill.  So, out of curiosity, the hubby breaks out the EMF and we go exploring.  Now, I don't know exactly what the numbers mean on the device, but I do know that higher numbers mean a stronger field.  I don't remember exactly what the danger level is, but if it's above two, you're probably going to notice it.

My alarm clock gave off a reading of around 30.

We also noticed a slight (i.e. like .1, .2) reading around the light switch and outlets in the bathroom.  That's normal--electrical stuff does give off the fields, and that's a comfortably low reading.  Also worth noting was a reading that ran vertically up the center of the mirror to the light.  Let's see, freaked out while washing hands, with head right in front of that field...explains a lot, don't ya think?  Apparently, I'm fairly sensitive to EMFs. 

So, I unplug and put away the alarm clock and switch to the one on my phone.  When I go to the bathroom, I just remember that wiring behind the mirror.  For the most part, it's been much better.

But there's still something behind the shower curtain besides soap scum.  I know it.  I expect it looks rather a lot like this:

Only not nearly as friendly.

In fact, last night, the husband and I were just discussing the monster in the shower.  It ran something along the lines of:

Me: But what about the monster in the shower?

Darling Husband (DH): There's not a monster in the shower.

Me: Yes, there is!

DH: He probably just wants to get clean.

Me: He's not using the shower.

DH: Well, there you go, no monster in the shower.

Me: Is too!  It's really creepy.  It's scarier than the closet monster.

DH: There's not a monster in the shower or in the closet.

Me: The one in the shower is scarier.  The closet monster will just devour you physically.  The shower monster will eat your soul.  It looks kinda like Ryuk [the above creature, a character from Death Note] only not as friendly.

DH: Ryuk wasn't friendly.

Me:  Okay, well, yeah, he enjoyed all the misery the humans were going through, but he wasn't actively causing it.  He was neutral.

DH: He was enjoying it, that makes him not neutral.

Me: Well, fine, but he at least wasn't actively harming humans. [For those of you who aren't familiar with the story, Ryuk is a shinigami, a god of death. His job is to kill humans.]

DH: Woman, go to bed! [okay, well, maybe he didn't say that last night.  But he does say it pretty regularly.]

So, I pulled the blankets up a little tighter and turned a wary eye on the bathroom, just waiting for a terrifying claw to pull back the shower curtain and emerge to devour my psyche.  The night light wouldn't hold this one back for long.  

And then I fell asleep.  

It may not have gotten me last night, but when I disappear for good, you'll know what happened.

Don't let that cheery exterior fool you, behind that curtain lurks certain death!

I know if I pull back the curtain there won't be anything there...but what if there is?

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Yay!  Holidays!

Okay, I'm not really that enthusiastic.  But don't worry, I won't dull your ears with another anti-commercialism rant--you've heard enough of those.  Still, Christmas is is a nice time to spend with family and friends.

No, today we'll tackle the whole concept of New Year's resolutions.  I'm not keen on them, for a variety of reasons.  The primary one is that inherent in the idea is that the only time it's appropriate to change your habits is at the start of a new year (after all, we don't have mid year resolutions, do we?).  The next one up is that people hastily make decisions that result in unrealistic goals, and usually give up within a month or two.  So what's the point?

"I think I'll give up tuna this year.  That's totally doable."

That said, I see nothing wrong with periodic evaluations of your life and deciding to make changes at that time.  After all, if you're unhappy with your weight, why wait to start a new diet and exercise plan?  Figure out what you're going to do, and do it.  Establish a workable plan (instead of cutting out all cheeseburgers, maybe just eat smaller ones).  I use a diet as my example because that's a really popular one at New Year's.  It could be anything.  For example, going back to school.  Although you might have to wait a couple months on that one to allow for the school schedule--but you could still put in your applications and fill out your FAFSA.

And on that note, I have some periodic life evaluation goals of my own.  It just so happens that they line up with the New Year, but I'm implementing them yesterday.  Why wait?  I've been overly introspective this semester, mostly because I've actually had time to think.  A lot of what I've come to this time is really continuing or increasing previous efforts, but I think it's important to plan.  I plan a lot.  Some of you may think my going back to school was a little spur of the moment or unexpected (at least the major), but this was plan C when I was applying for grad school. 

Anyway, here's what I plan on working on until things come up for evaluation again.

1) Eat less crap.  Sure, I've lost weight, but that's mostly been quantity, not quality.  I'd like to try and improve the quality of what I'm eating, or at the very least stop eating food that says I hate myself.

Nothing says, "I hate myself," quite like food that looks the same after sitting out for a year.

2) Keep up the exercise/do more of it.  I started out with a pretty solid plan, but whenever classes start up or work happens, I start slacking off.  I'd like to not do that.  I'd also like to get my upper body strengthened so I stop breaking myself.  I'm hoping the yoga will be good for that--bad weather and sunset are no good for the current plan (walking/biking outside).

3) Wallow less.  I've had issues.  I have a bad tendency to wallow when I feel less than stellar.  This is another, "I hate myself," habit.

4) Reduce TV and internet consumption by at least 20%.  When I spend too much time on this stuff it starts to suck away my soul.  I can feel it.  20% is an arbitrary amount selected only so I have an excuse to include a pony.

 

Who doesn't want to be 20% cooler?

5) Be less paranoid.  I was raised to be pretty paranoid--living a very sheltered life will do that.  And then the whole debacle in Greenville just made it worse (it's hard not to be suspicious when everyone who approaches you on the street really is asking you for money).  But let's face it--just because someone happens to be walking in my direction, it doesn't mean they're going to initiate an unpleasant social interaction.  Maybe they just want to go to that place behind me. 

6) Continue working towards balance and moderation.  You'll notice that none of these things are to stop doing something entirely.  Lately I've become convinced that achieving balance (amongst all that crap that's important to me) is the way to go, the path that will result in the most enjoyable life.  Now, sometimes that may mean working more, or spending more time with friends--balance doesn't necessarily mean that everything has to be equal.  And, of course, it's a hard thing to achieve, and will vary from time to time.  But if I'm going to pick an unreachable goal, I think this is a good one to strive towards.  I think that moderation is key for balance, too.  It's not healthy to do anything in excess and I think keeping things in check is a good way to move towards a more reasonable and happy life.

Will I be successful with all of this stuff?  Maybe, maybe not.  The important thing is to try.  Even if I only get a fifth of the way there, at least I will have made progress towards my ultimate goals.  Small changes are still changes, and a lot of this is things that can take a lifetime. 

Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, have a Merry Christmas!!!

Don't worry, in the spirit of the season, Cthulu will wait until after the holiday to swallow your souls.

The Apathetic Cat Fetish

So, I usually check the stats on my blog whenever I do a post.  I like to see if people are actually reading my stuff, and it's always interesting to see the search terms that lead people here.

Or disturbing.  Sometimes it's disturbing.

Anyway, for your viewing pleasure, I thought I'd share what's been getting people here (other than my facebook links).

For the week:

sock fetish   
chemistry background   
fye cosplay

For the month:
black bible sex cosplay   
and i am the last   
cat don't want to know   
ears plugged anime   
hi. i don't care.   
i don't work here   
punching holes in dapped domes   
sock fetish
chemistry background   
fuck me ia m doctor

And for all time:
i dont care, i am the cat   
black bible sex cosplay   
fuzzy toe socks   
i care cat   
and i am the last   
cat don't want to know   
don't ever question me   
dont know dont care   
ears plugged anime   
hi. i don't care.

I think my favorite is the last one for the month.  "fuck me i am doctor." (I'm assuming a typo there.)  What exactly were they looking for?

As for the rest, it give the impression that my blog is about cats, apathy, and fetishes.  And here I was shooting for ponies and dreams.

So it's now the Apathetic Cat Fetish blog?

The Night of the Living College Recruiters

So, ever since I started back to school, I've been getting calls from college recruiters.  Well, technically I've been getting them since early summer, but the ones earlier this year were all for some guy.  I think his name was Mike Luddo, or at least that's what it sounded like the people calling were saying.  Half of them sounded like they had marbles in their mouths or something.

I really hate this Mike Luddo guy, and if I ever meet him, I'm going to kick him so hard.  It's so not cool to be receiving unsolicited phone calls from colleges at all hours of the day when you're a) trying to find work, so you have to answer unfamiliar numbers because it might be someone offering you a job and b) when you're in the process of moving out of your crappy apartment which fills you with rage (the apartment, although having half your stuff on the other side of town is also unpleasant).  I went off on several of these callers.  I think one of them thought I was an angry girlfriend or something because they were all, "Do you know who this is?"  "I don't care, stop calling me!"  I tried to find out where they got my number so I could get pulled from the master list, but they always hung up on me.  Eventually it dried up, I think because I reported them to the no call list, which I'm on.  Still, if Mike ever wonders why he never heard back from RISD, that's totally me.  Maybe he should have put his own damn number down.

But I digress.  Now I'm receiving calls from college recruiters who actually want to talk to me, instead of that jackhole Mike.  It's still super annoying, because I have no idea how I got on their list.  I don't remember signing up for any college recruiting lists.  My best guess is that my current school gave it out (it is a community college, so a lot of people transfer) or something went horribly wrong in my attempts to find work.  Either way, I really don't understand why they keep calling me.  I'm damn near thirty, so I'm not some wet behind the ears kid who's willing to listen to their propaganda.  I just bought a house, so I'm not going to move halfway across the country.  I have two degrees, am working on a third, am 23 hrs away from a BBA, and 12 hrs away from an MFA (12 hours which would have had to have been taken over two semesters, I must add).I'm already up to my tits in student loan debt, so why would I want to take out even more?

Of course, what really brings this up is that I got another call from one this morning.  Now, those of you who have had the pleasure of calling me in the morning know what I'm like when you wake me up.  I have several friends who are actually afraid to call me before 10 a.m.  I am so violently not a morning person, but that's probably best covered another day.  At my best, when woken up by the phone I am groggy and retarded.  At my worst, I am openly antagonistic.  Depending on the hour, I may start off by yelling at you (I still feel bad about giving ADT a hard time when they called about the shop alarm at 3 am one night).  

You see, when I am awakened by the phone ringing, a fairly basic series of thoughts runs through my head.  I say runs, but it's more like crawls.  I'm not swift in the morning. Incoherent is a good word to describe me.  This morning was no exception.  This morning's wake up call went something like this (with bonus! look inside of Linda's head):

The phone is ringing.
Why is the phone ringing?
Who the fuck is calling me at this hour? [pick up phone and check the caller ID]
I don't know this number.
Maybe they want to give me a job.
I should answer the phone.
[answer the phone]  "Hello?"
"Blah blah blah blah."
Why did you wake me up?
You aren't trying to set up a job interview.
You aren't a friend in need of assistance.
Who the fuck are you and what do you want?
"Blah blah, blah blah blah."
I can't really understand half of what you're saying.
I just woke up.
I can't process verbal input yet.
Tell me what you want so I can go back to sleep.
"Blah blah blah, college recruiter, can I have a minute of your time?"
Oh, wait, I caught that.
College recruiter?
What the fuck?
I'm in school.Why would I want to change schools?
I want to go back to sleep.
"You're a college recruiter?  I've been in school my entire life.  I don't need any more bloody education."
"Blah blah, I'm sorry. Blah blah-"
Why are you wasting my sleeping time with this?  [hang up]  I'm also half asleep, so I still didn't make out half of what you said.  I don't care, I'm tired.
Fucking assholes. 
How'd they get my number, anyway?
I hate them.
*snore*

If I'd been more awake, I'd have gone off about how I'm on the no call list and demanded to know where they got my number from, but my morning retardation prevented me from doing so.  Oh, well, I'll just have to grill the next one.  At least they're not calling as often as they did for Mike.





I wish they'd come to my door so I could kick them and set them on fire.

Places I Don't Work

Some of you have heard my rants about how often I get asked, "Do you work here?" while I'm out shopping.  I don't know why this happens to me, but it seems like it happens at least every couple of weeks (a look back through June reveals it as at least a monthly occurrence).  I feel like I should start wearing T-shirts that say, "No, I don't work here," just to head things off, but I don't think that would help, as it happens regardless of what I am wearing.  My own reaction varies depending on mood, from annoyed and disgusted to full on rage.  This has happened at so many places and so many times I can't remember them all.

Let's say that again for emphasis--I can't even remember how many times I've been asked this.

I don't know why everyone thinks I work wherever I am.  The more flattering theory that's been put forth is that I tend to be fairly confident and move like I know what I'm doing (mostly because I want to get my shit and get out, or because I spend way too much time in a given shop).  I really hope that's it, because otherwise it means that there is a look about me that says "career retail employee."  I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but I really want more out of my life than that.

So, I've decided to compile a list of places people have asked if I work at.  I'd like it noted that this is not a complete list (just what I can actively remember).  The hubby and I were discussing this last night, and he suggested it happened much more frequently in North Carolina, but I'm blocking it.  That's pretty likely, because there's a good portion of those two years I'll never get back (I don't really want them, either).  I'm also less likely to remember the ones that happened when I was in a good mood, because I brushed them off pretty quick.  I'd also like it noted that this does not include places that I actually worked at.  I got asked that a lot at the bookstore I worked at, mostly because the "uniform" was pretty loose, and I only ever wore store shirts when they made us.  Either way, that doesn't count, as I did work there.  I'm also not counting multiple times.  Still, my experiences out shopping really make me wonder about some of these people.  Do they just wander around asking people if they work there until they find someone who says yes?  How do they miss all the cues by which employees are identified, like uniforms?  How do they get through the day?!

So, below you'll find a brief list of places I don't work.  The first three are North Carolina or earlier, the remainder is from the last six months.

Walmart--While I did have a brief tenure as a cashier as Walhell, I was not employed by them when an elderly lady asked me for help.  I was also wearing a Hawaiian shirt, which in no way resembled the blue vest Walmart employees wear.

Target--I was waiting in the furniture aisle for the hubby to return with a cart so I could get a bookcase.  I was crouched down, trying to figure out the best way to lift it when I was approached by a couple in their 30s-40s.  I responded with disbelief, as I was wearing a black shirt and blue jeans, which is pretty much the opposite of the red shirt and khaki uniform they wear at Target.

Michaels--I'm honestly surprised this hasn't happened more often, since I'm in there all the time.  The lady in question apologized, and explained that she made the mistake because I looked like I knew what I was doing.  Because she was nice, I actually helped her.

Lowe's--I'll be honest, I probably overreacted with this one.  My job was really stressful at the time, I was moving in the middle of the summer, I was still having to live in a crappy apartment with poor management/maintenance, and I'd been trying to get packed.  I ducked out to Lowe's for more boxes and was counting some out to put in my cart when this old man asked me if I worked there.  I ignored him and put my boxes in the cart (trying to take the high road), but he was persistent.  I leaned over my boxes, red faced and kinda sweaty (it was hot!), looked him in the eye and said, "Do I look like I work here?"  (I was wearing a blue plaid shirt and sneakers.)
"I don't know, do you?" 
"Am I wearing a uniform?"
"Oh, so there has to be a uniform?"  For the record, Lowe's employees wear red vests with blue trim.
By this point I was pretty much a boiling pit of rage, and I don't really remember what I said next.  Whatever it was, he rode off on his scooter in a huff and I heard him berating someone else (presumably an actual employee, who was at least being paid to take his shit) a couple aisles over.

FYE--I was at least wearing a black shirt (uniform= black shirt and khakis), but seriously, it's a small store.  Just ask at the counter.  I was anxious enough that day I actually had to leave the store.

Barnes and Noble--This is another one I'm surprised I don't get more often.  I was in the bathroom and was asked while I was washing my hands.  Now, Barnes and Noble has a pretty loose dress code (they usually just have a lanyard), but it's never appropriate to ask for help in the bathroom, unless it's related to a bathroom supply issue (i.e. you're out of soap, etc.).  And you sure as hell don't keep talking to the person once they've told you they don't work there.  I don't care about what your other Barnes and Noble said or had.

Peddler's Mall--Technically I was asked if it was my booth, but I think that still counts, as booth owners get money for selling stuff there.  I'd set down my soon to be purchases to take a closer look at a jar of clowns and had just picked them back up when I was asked.  It was only two or three things, and I was wearing my coat.  It was also totally a grandma booth.  Why would you assume that person+picking up objects+leaving booth=owner of booth?

Meijer--This was actually last week.  The hubby and I had split up and agreed to meet at the door.  The bench in the entryway was full of a large person and their stuff, so I waited inside, near the electric carts.  I kind of needed a wall to lean on, as this was during the more sickly stage of the plague I had, and I wound up just having a seat on the lone electric cart.  I was holding a shopping bag, and not wearing red at all (black sweater, jeans).  I'm pretty sure I also looked half dead, at least I felt like it.  A guy with a cart load of stuff stopped and basically asked me if I was the one who marked his ticket (which Meijer doesn't even do).  I didn't have the energy to be snappy and just told him I didn't work there.

So yeah, those are the incidents I remember.  It bothers me that old people are more likely to ask me than young people.  Do they think all young people work in retail?  I'm also kind of disturbed the number of times I've gotten it at locations where the employees are identified with a red shirt or vest when I was wearing black.  What is wrong with people?  Just because I'm not wandering slack jawed and aimlessly, it doesn't mean I work there.  Please leave me alone.

It's been a while since there were any ponies.

On a side note, I wonder where it'll happen next.  Place your bets in the comments!

It'sa Mario!

So I've been down with some sort of plague this week.  In between somehow staying upright and going to class, I really haven't been up for too much other than T.V. and video games.  And not really anything overly complicated there, especially the last couple of days.  Conveniently enough, a copy of Super Mario 3D Land has recently found its way into my hands so I figured I could play that without having to worry about keeping up with story or overly complicated controls. 

I did not anticipate falling to my death every five minutes.

Seriously, is it necessary to be this far off the ground?

Now, it's been a while since I played any Mario games, and I never really took them that seriously (i.e. tried to beat them).  Also, prior to this, the most recent one I played was Super Mario World, which is a terrifying 21 years old.  However, I do remember dying a lot, and most of my memories of Mario come from Super Mario Bros. 3.  Mostly I just watched my brother play, although he did eventually let me have the controller about ten years after he got the Nintendo.  But there was plenty of terrifying shit in that game, enough to have me hiding behind the couch (and I wasn't even playing!).

Super Mario 3D Land does not disappoint in the terror or difficulty.  It heavily references the early Mario games (and, from what I've read, later ones as well).  It is an excellent game if you feel at all nostalgic for the old games.  It's also excellent if you enjoy games created by sadistic people who like to make godawful logistic puzzles and fire tanooki goombas at you at the same time.

 

Did I mention giant Goombas with tails?

But at least most of the enemies go with one stomp, even that mofo up there.  It's really just dealing with them while also dealing with the lifts and tightropes that will break you.

This type of lift has killed me more than anything else.

You have most of the standard lifts from earlier games, including the drop lifts (and at least one level primarily composed of them), but the worst ones are these red and blue ones (see above).  They switch sides, back and forth--every time you jump.  So, if you mistime things or get a little overeager, you're going to fall to your death.  Add in a difficultly with depth perception in video games, and I'm pretty much doomed from the start.

But all is not lost!  If you die enough times, a clear flying block will appear to give you a random power up when you hit it.  If you continue to do badly, a block will appear at your respawn point that, when hit, will give you an invincibility leaf.  Now, wearing the invincibility suit can be a little bit like how this Penny Arcade comic describes it, but I for one enjoy being untouchable. 

Take that!

At the same time, the super suit has one fatal flaw.  While it will kill anything (it's kinda like having a permanent super star), it does not protect against falls or lava.  And there are so many places to fall.

Look, it's an entire level of walking on tightropes!

I really have no idea why they felt compelled to make so many levels so high up in the sky.  A lot of these are tricky enough that I kept dying even with the invincibility suit, which is why I know what comes next after you died enough times with that.  Once you have proven that you can't even survive with a suit that kills everything you touch, you get a P Wing.  It's basically a mulligan, and will take you straight to the goal.  It's like the game is saying, wow, you suck so bad it hurts.  Look, I can't watch this anymore, just take a pass. 

This is how you know you're doing REALLY badly.

But, you know, that's okay.  There are some monsters I wouldn't mind not having to deal with.  For example, in the desert there are what I like to refer to as "sandworms."  They show up as a shadow beneath you (when I first encountered them I foolishly thought they were above me), chase you, then come up out of the sand and try to eat you.  I screamed like a little girl.  And of course, there's the ghosts.   These things terrified me as a child, and I have learned that they still do.  I think it's the Weeping Angel-like way they sneak up on you.  And the way you can't kill them (at least, not for long).

As soon as you turn around he'll freeze and look all cute and harmless.

Also worth noting are some of the aquatic horrors, like the giant makeup wearing puffer fish and the giant eels, which lurk in holes and come out to eat you (and apparently also can't die).

Lovecraft's fear of oceans and sea creatures was totally justified.

Sure, a lot of this looks all cartoony and kind of cute, but it's no laughing matter when when you're trying not to fall to your death and a piranha plant spits ink all over your screen.  There you are, trying not to fall off the drop lifts, when suddenly...BEES!!!!


And they call this a kids game.




Seriously, though, I'm having fun and have even made it to World Six (of eight). 

As always, thanks to all the internets who made these screen shots possible.