1) Kill everything
2) Fuck everything
The order of these goals doesn't matter. Obviously, not all games allow for both of these objectives, but I like to pursue them as far as I can. For example, when playing The Sims Bustin' Out on my GBA, I hit on everything that moved. If I could romance a character, I did. In GTA IV, I don't really bother with the missons. I go to the strip club, spend all my money, then run down pedestrians until my car explodes. Repeat.
In order to keep an R rating, we'll be skipping most of the other games that allow for objective #2. But know they exist.
So, what kind of games does Linda naturally gravitate towards? While I enjoy a variety of games, mostly I'm drawn towards Japanese role playing games, particularly anything related to the Shin Megami Tensei franchise. One of the first ones I got hooked on was actually a spin off from the series: Persona 3. This game is one of my favorites. It's basically half dating sim (a type of game where you work on your relationships with other characters) and half dungeon crawl (go and kill things). The most notable thing about this game is the sheer creepiness of it. It's a good sixty hours of nightmare fuel, and is definitely not for kids. If it wasn't such a niche game, the parent groups would have raised a bigger fuss over this one than GTA San Andreas and the hot coffee incident.
This is from the opening credits. Yes, that is your character blowing his head off. What's more, this is how you activate your magic abilities and summon your persona. You will shoot yourself in the head at least 1-10 times in every battle. So will all your friends.
In the game, at midnight every night there's an extra hour--the Dark Hour. You and your buddies are special in that you're awake for the dark hour. Everyone else transmogrifies.
Into coffins.
But that's for the best, because pretty much the whole world transforms during the dark hour. For example, here's your school:
You spend many hours climbing this seemingly endless tower. It's divided into blocks, so every 20-30 floors the decor changes into something creepier.
This is pretty typical, and, disturbingly enough, not the creepiest thing in the game.
Neither is the strange boy who visits you in the night. Every month.
Although the swimsuits are surprisingly good armor, at least on the lower levels. There's also a maid suit. Oh, we love you Japan.
This is one of your boss battles. This is not the creepiest thing in the game.
Neither is this, although it's probably close. And yes, those are hand guns.
So yeah, creepy, weird, and full of awesome. If you get your hands on a copy, play it. You won't regret it, I promise.
Anyway, this game got me totally hooked and I started seeking out everything persona and mega ten related. Currently I'm playing Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne. Basic plot synopsis is the apocalypse has happened, you got turned into a demon and I think you have to save the world. Not entirely sure yet. You get to kill things, and isn't that what's really important?
This is you. Apparently having weird tattoos makes you a demon.
Now, I'm less than ten hours into it, but it's already really freaking creepy. Actually I think I'm in hell.
Definitely hell.
...Or the theater? No, wait, the theater in hell!
Plus this kid and his old nurse are stalking me.
I think this might be the kid and his old nurse. Except, she's young and he's old. I think one of them may be siphoning energy off the other.
Now, one of the fun things about the game is you fight demons, but you can also recruit them to help you. The demons themselves vary widely, from this:
Get your mind out of the gutter.
To this:
And some of them aren't even humanoid. And then you'll be walking around and a big firey hole will open up beneath you and you'll be sucked into it into a desert with lightning and this guy will challenge you:
Yeah, he totally kicked my ass. I'm picking a different hallway next time.
And then there's the creepy shit that's on your side. Like the manikins.
You have to buy supplies from this guy. He hits on you a lot. Not pictured: the unnatural creepy jiggly twitch all of these have.
Well, I guess the healer isn't too creepy, but I still don't understand why she's not wearing clothes.
And this isn't even all the creepiest shit. These are the screen shots I found on the internet. And all of this is less than ten hours into the game. You know this has to be a good 30-60 hours long, and it's only going to get worse from here. And when do I usually play? At night. Before bed. I should definitely have more nightmares.
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