So, it's been a while since I talked about dreams here. Mostly it's been a time constraint thing--when you dream like I do, writing about them can be rather time consuming. Plus, most of them haven't been that epic, anyway. (Well, except that one where I climbed that rack at work to get away from the raptors, fell to my death, and the credits rolled. That was pretty epic.) I've also been making an effort to remember less, in order to preserve my own sanity. For a while I was keeping a dream journal and it got to the point where I was remembering like 5-6 dreams in detail a night, and it just got overwhelming. Now I usually remember just a couple a night, and that's a lot more bearable. I may recall fragments of others, but the current level of dream recall works well--I still get to remember some fun adventures, but it's not overwhelming.
Which brings us to today's topic. One of the things that never fails to amaze me is the dreams I have that somehow AREN'T nightmares. See, I don't know about you, but I define a nightmare by the emotional content. So, basically, if I don't wake up crying or really upset, I don't consider it a nightmare, regardless of the content. This gives some...interesting...and strange results. Based on this definition, the aforementioned dream with the raptors and me actually hitting the ground and dying? Not a nightmare. But the one I had a few years back where I was at my mom's house, looked out the window and saw three huge, dark, mangy looking rabbits running in a circle around a tree? That was so terrifying it still haunts me to this day.
Yeah.
Falling to my death because dinosaurs were trying to eat me? Not a nightmare. Actually, it was kind of fun.
Rabbits running around a tree? A nightmare so vicious it'll probably follow me to my grave.
And of course, then there was last night's adventures, which are what prompted this whole post. The cat woke me up midmorning from a dream where I was running from zombies (not a nightmare). Shortly after I woke up, I remembered the dream before that one and was promptly horrified. Not because it was a nightmare. But because it should have been and wasn't.
I was at work. We were having some power fluctuations, with the lights going off and coming back on. During one of the outages, this evil spirit came up behind me and started trying to get me to cut my hands off (not with a saw, or any of the dangerous equipment at work, mind you, but with like a machete or something). I fought it off and the lights came back on. Later, it found me again, this time while possessing someone else. I looked at it and was all, "I know who you are. You have no power over me."
Now, logistical and realistic issues aside--when we have power issues at work everyone goes to the cafeteria until it's resolved, we don't stay at our work stations; also, how the fuck do you cut both of your hands off with a machete? Seriously--this should have been a nightmare. I mean, I'm really attached to my hands. The idea of losing my hands is honestly terrifying to me, because I wouldn't be able to do like 99% of the things I enjoy.
But it wasn't a nightmare. To be honest, it was pretty average--just Tuesday, as the husband and I like to joke. And what made it not a nightmare was the emotional content. Instead of being absolutely terrified in the dream, I was fighting. I had control. I was all, I got this. And I think that's what makes the biggest difference. What makes a nightmare a nightmare is never the content--it's that sense of powerlessness.
And I can't help but wonder...is that dream confidence related to my real life confidence? Because my current job has made me a lot more confident in general (maybe not at work, but in the rest of life, for sure), and I've noticed I don't have as many nightmares anymore. I've also noticed that the people I know who have nightmares frequently, tend to not have as much self confidence--that's not a judgement, just an observation. And it makes me wonder if there's anything to that. Do more confident people have fewer nightmares? Thoughts?
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