I'm a girly girl. I'm not sure exactly when it happened--as a child I was wild and rambunctious. My mom kept my hair short because I wouldn't sit still long enough to have it combed. I played with legos and only had about four Barbie dolls my entire childhood. I hung out with my older brother a lot, and had no idea how to put makeup on until I was 18. I've never thought of myself as a girly girl, which is why I'm always puzzled that the job I once had at Vavoline surprises people more than the job I had working at a beauty supply store. (Seriously, I can barely style my own hair. And when I dye it it's always patchy.)
But something happened. Maybe it was giving into my Hello Kitty obsession, or maybe it was the way my husband encouraged it, but I now have bizarre tableaus like these throughout my house:
You'll note that not only have I styled its hair, but that's also a new My Little Pony. Not one saved from my childhood.
I Dream of Jeannie, Dexter, and Computer Engineer Barbie.
The blue blob is a waterbear. Of course, I guess the retro release of Soundwave on my nightstand might reduce the girliness of the unicorns. But not much.
And I occasionally dabble in romance novels. Please don't judge. This is hard to admit. I don't buy them at work because I'm afraid my coworkers will see. You see, I am a sucker for a cheesy tag line, and even cheesier titles. And there is nothing as cheesy as a romance novel cover. Nothing.
I own all eight books in this series. Here's the setup for the first book. (thanks amazon!)
Eight brothers, born in four sets of twins, two years apart to the day-they fulfill the Curse of Eight Prophecy. To avoid tempting their destiny, the brothers are exiled to Nightfall Island, a land where women are strictly forbidden. But, when the youngest of the mage-brothers rescues a woman from another universe, their world is altered forever.
Each brother has a verse of the prophecy. The first one's involves the phrase "when sword in sheath is claimed by maid." Did I mention that the first brother is the sword?
But this is pretty tame compared to most romance novels, although they do have many things in common--handsome shirtless man on the cover, blatantly suggestive text, questionable logic. And that last one is where my latest acquisition is comes in.
The best part is the tagline on the front cover. Here, have a close up.
A bit blurry, I know, but, "She's tarnished his halo"?! How can I pass this up?! And then I look at the description.
"Living as a succubus has a bit of a learning curve, but with sexy fallen angel Noah to scratch her sensual Itch, Jackie Brighton is finally starting to feel ahead of the game. She almost doesn’t miss her gorgeous vampire master Zane—or his sinful, teasing mouth."
Aside from the fact that "itch" is capitalized, why does a succubus have a vampire master? My husband pointed this out. If you have a vampire master, that doesn't make you a succubus, it makes you a minion. So, right off the bat we have a problem here. I was willing to suspend belief until my husband brought this to my attention. So, now I'm going to spend the entire time I read it wondering, "How does a succubus have a vampire master?" Did she acquire him after leaving Hell? Or did she become a succubus to get away from him? Oh, I know! Maybe she was assigned to him to drain his life force and fell in love. This is in the middle of a series. And that's totally how things work in the romance world (as Japanese hentai has taught us, all rape becomes consensual if it goes on long enough). But if that were the case, why'd she leave him? Is the fallen angel better in bed? Probably not, I mean the copy kind of implies that the vampire gave good oral. Or maybe the fallen angel is encouraging her to be a better person and not fuck men to death. I don't know. But that's why I bought the book. Hopefully all will be illuminated, because otherwise I'll have to get the first two books in the series, which means fewer ponies and unicorns.
No comments:
Post a Comment